Me + St. Paul = Love

Oh, St. Paul...I just can't help myself! My spiritual director has tried to keep me away from Paul (yeah, I know. This is a thing that happens to me...), wanting me to step outside my "spiritual comfort zone", look to other saints and Scriptures and what not,  but you just can't keep this girl away! In my hour of need, I always come back to Paul. Especially as we are approaching one of my fav feasts- The Conversion of St. Paul (Jan. 25th)!

While we are on the subject, here are some of my favorite Pauline go-tos. Don't mind if I do:

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"for I know him in whom I have believed and am confident that he is able to guard what has been entrusted to me until that day." (2 Tim 1: 12, we sang a beautiful hymn with this verse when I was with the Daughters)

"it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me"  (Gal 2:20,  just classic Paul :)

"Therefore, let us throw off everything that hinders...and persevere in running the race marked out for us..." (Hebrews 12:1, Paul is often credited with writing Hebrews, but it's not confirmed. But this verse sounds pretty Pauline and it inspired the title for this blog- duh!)

"Love does not insist on its own way...love never ends....so faith, hope, and love remain these three, but the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinth 13, again, classic Paul and heard at every wedding ever)
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This feast of the Conversion of St. Paul became really important to me when I was with the Daughters in my year of postulancy. I had been struggling with whether or not my issues of living in the convent were of my own doing- a need to die to myself- or if this vocation was just not for me. I prayed so hard to be able to die to myself and to give everything I had to investing in where God had placed me in that moment, which was the convent. We all know I ultimately decided it wasn't just me, that it wasn't the life for me, but I believe St. Paul helped me get through the dark times when I was questioning. 

I am praying a novena now that will end this Saturday, the feast of Paul's Conversion. Though I am a pretty different woman now at 32 than I was at 26, I find myself again asking similar questions and experiencing similar feelings about where God has placed me. When I was struggling in the convent, I felt restless. I wanted to be DOING something with my gifts, but I felt restricted. I knew the day would come when I would be called to use my gifts, but the struggle in that moment was painful. Though the situation is much different now, I feel once again, restless. I want God to just call me to or show me the next thing already. So as I prayed today, I thought back to the times I felt this way in the convent and wondered what got me through? The answer: St. Paul. 

So I'm going to him and his words again right now in the midst of this novena. I'm praying for revelation and peace, but also that I can handle whatever God gives me in the present. I had to sustain my restlessness for another 5 months between the Feast of the Conversion and Pentecost (when I ultimately left in '08) and I'm praying I don't have to wait that long for what's next, but I trust in God's time.

Is it weird that I'm still reminiscing and reflecting so much on my measly nine months in the convent many years later??! I guess it was just a pretty defining moment when I had to sell my stuff and quit my job and surrender my life and all that ;) I had a strong sense of self then, but I think I have an even stronger sense now because of it. And the discernment that happened at that time is worth going back to (see exhibit A from this time two years ago as well). I don't think that I am living in the past, but just looking for things that worked then to help me with the future. 

But God continues to reaffirm and show me that it is all about the present moment. Take today's Gospel for instance:

No one sews a piece of unshrunken cloth on an old cloak.
If he does, its fullness pulls away,
the new from the old, and the tear gets worse.
Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins.
Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins,
and both the wine and the skins are ruined.
Rather, new wine is poured into fresh wineskins.- Mark 2: 16-22

This Gospel very much goes along with Paul's classic verse to the Galatians: "it is no longer I who lives, but Christ that lives in me." We have to throw off the old if we are to live with the new. Paul certainly did that. So this Gospel passage, along with Paul, reminds me- we can't go back, we can't hold on. We have to move forward and persevere in the present.

Thanks, St. Paul...hoping you will hook me up as well at the end of this novena too, buddy.

I mean, just look at that face...

Peace,
Julia

Wonder and Awe- Christmas and Happy 2014!

Man, just like Advent before it, this Christmas season: I'm so into it!

And I'm going to go ahead and pat myself on the back for planning a pretty awesome Christmas break for myself. If there is anything I love in this life it is using time efficiently and a well executed plan. No, but seriously. I know that sounds dull and nerdy, but that is a reality.

After finishing up the week of midterms and last week of school, I headed to Ohio to spend some time with old friends and the fam. I went to one of my dad's gigs with a high school friend. You didn't know that my dad could pack the house and bring it down with his mad musical skills, did you? Well, now you do. Please see below.

Speaking of my parents, this coming weekend, on the Feast of the Epiphany, my parents will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. I can't describe how proud and happy for my parents that I am. In today's world where everyone just does what they want and is afraid to commit, my parents have self-sacrificed for my sister and I and for each other. I know that it has not always been easy, but they have always worked and fought for what was right and they have taught me how to persevere for things that really matter. So even though I've since returned from Ohio once on this break, I'm going back to celebrate and honor them and their marriage this weekend.

I mean, how cute are they?

Okay, but before I get too ahead of myself, I spent some time in Ohio. A week to be exact, before returning to VA and getting to spend end 2013 and begin 2014 with some of my current VA and East Coast friends. (I also am going to go ahead and say we looked pretty good when we were ringing in 2014, not gonna lie. Here I am dolled up in Atlantic City with some friends this New Year's Eve):

It's all about the sassy selfie these days. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself again! Ugh. Okay, while I was home I got to spend a lot of time with friends and family, like I said. I also got to take some time in prayer and focus on that "being still in the present moment" resolution that I had made during Advent.

 The Christmas sing-a-long is an honored tradition in my musical family. Here's a cousin and I leading the others with our inherited talents.

There were also so many babies this Christmas. SO many. Here's me with just one of many. 

On the feast of St. John the Beloved (Dec. 27) I got to go to one of my favorite chapels in Ohio and reflect on one of my favorite saints. St. John (as I'm sure I've mentioned before because there is nothing new under the sun or in this blog) has kind of followed me around in my life. He's the namesake of many of my male relatives, the namesake of the first parish I worked for at my first job, and also the patron of not one, not two, but THREE of the parishes I have belonged to in my day. He's also one of my favorite evangelists/epistle writers AND I got to see where he was exiled during my trip to Greece. Needless to say, St. John is a fave.

As I spent time in that chapel on John's feast day, I recommitted to the resolution I had made during Advent: to be still and present in every moment. Since this is the first year in a while where I don't have anything on any kind of agenda, I hopefully will be able to practice what I have been reflecting on for months now- being holy and present to each opportunity in the present moment. That means throwing myself fully into every aspect of my job, every opportunity, and every relationship that I believe God has put before me.

I love this picture of St. John the Beloved below- it is kind of exactly how I picture the "beloved disciple" and I also like to picture myself at times just resting in the arms of Jesus. Usually that image of rest comes after I can't 

 run or hide from Him any longer (think Jonah minus the whale)...I think John the Beloved was probably a little more forth coming and willing to follow Jesus than that, but whatevs. All that to say that I like and can relate to this picture.

You may also remember that I had been praying for a saint, particularly a female one, that I could pray to and get to know a little better. WELL, I've found her! St. Hildegard of Bingen is my new BFF and also one of the newest female doctors of the Church (named by Benedict XVI, I believe in 2011ish). I had been praying, like I said, for a saint to kind of present herself to me and I kept hearing of late about this newly appointed doctor. She's from the Middle Ages, wrote poems, had visions, wrote liturgical music, and is a mystic. She also was allowed to preach and traveled around speaking to people and evangelizing. A woman! In the Middle Ages! Allowed to speak and preach to large crowds! The feminist in me loves it. I've been reading a book that includes some of her poetry, accounts of her mystical visions, and a little about her life and I just find her so inspiring, especially for a woman of that time period. So be on the lookout for more to come from me about her:

Okay, so: Exams then Ohio, Christmas, back to VA, Atlantic City for New Year's, VA again and back once more to Ohio this weekend. That's a good couple of weeks planned and spent, amirite???

And that brings me to the present. Today, I was praying and struck by the nativity scene that was still up (because it's still Christmas until the feast of the Baptism of the Lord in mid-January! Sunday after the Epiphany!) and I realized I hadn't seen very many creches this season. 

All of the figures- the Holy Family (which the feast for the Holy Family was last Sunday- also such a beautiful feast with much fruitful reflection! So many great feasts during the Christmas season!), the shepherds, the animals and the guests of honor this weekend- the Magi- were all turned towards the baby Jesus:

(Okay, so there's one rogue donkey not looking at Jesus, but you know how donkeys are...)

I just thought that this is what Christmas is about- all of us looking towards the gift God has given us- His Son, our Savior. And that's when the title for this blog post popped in my head. Christmas is about Wonder and Awe- one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit (Fear of the Lord, really, but Wonder and Awe kind of sounds better :)- and that's what I will hope to focus on this weekend as I wonder and awe at my parents' 40 years of marriage, a new year full of God's possibilities, and hopefully each and every moment that God gives me.

Happy New Year and blessed Christmas season!

Peace,

Julia

Waiting in Stillness this Advent

I have been super into "the season" this year, you guys. I think all of my spare time that I've been blogging about has led me to dive into the holidays like never before. During Thanksgiving break I visited all of the people, drank all of the things, shop til I dropped, decorated, cooked, baked!

See?

 I didn't cook or decorate any of that, actually. I spent Thanksgiving with a friend's family, but it was so seasonal.

THIS is my decor! It is my first holiday season without roommates and I still took it upon myself to bring some holiday cheer all up into my living space. Those of you who know me can appreciate what this means.

Every holiday season I do make an attempt to bake for an annual cookie exchange with friends. This year I actually kind of enjoyed it, though. I don't know who I am anymore.

So, perhaps it is because I have extra time on my hands that I've embraced Advent and the holidays, but there's nothing wrong with spreading a little Christmas cheer, is there?

I didn't think so.

Okay. So when you last "saw" me in November, I was reflecting, being thankful for the Year of Faith, and re-embracing my call to ministry. Now I'm all up in the holiday mix and OMGSOEXCITEDTOHAVESOMETHINGTODOANDCELEBRATE that I need to take a step back again and remember how peaceful November was and how important and essential my time in reflection is.

But that's what Advent is for! So I'm also super thankful and excited for this season of Advent.

Already in our second week!

A common theme for Advent is the act of "present waiting" which is something that I have been working on anyways. I am very task oriented. I always want something to DO. That's why I can get behind Advent; because I like this idea of actively waiting. It's not like REAL waiting. 'Cause we are still DOING something in that waiting.

For some reason what I just wrote about "not REAL waiting" made me think of Mean Girls and this "not like a regular mom" moment. It's not like "regular waiting". It's "active waiting." Get it? Any excuse for a Mean Girls quote, I know.

Anyway, this is why, perhaps, that my spiritual director and I have decided that I need to work on the STILLNESS of Advent. Not so much the action part. With the past couple of months dragging along in my mind and so many moments of uncomfortable stillness, this is a good challenge for me. Embrace the stillness of Advent- the stillness in the waiting.

Stillness can make me so ANGRY. I really do get so angry when people complain about things but never take action to make them better. I always want to take matters into my own hands. So, again, this idea of just embracing stillness is a good challenge for me, especially at this time where stillness can seem PAINFUL.

But as it has been turning out, the stillness of Advent has been more welcome since I have decided to busy myself with all of the things of the holidays. I need the stillness of Advent to keep me grounded so that I don't get carried away with the rest of what the holidays have to offer.

And when I am struggling with stillness- whether that be because I am busy or not- God gives me strength and peace with readings like today's (Wed for the Second Week of Advent):


To whom can you liken me as an equal?
says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes on high
and see who has created these things:
He leads out their army and numbers them,
calling them all by name.
By his great might and the strength of his power
not one of them is missing!
Why, O Jacob, do you say,
and declare, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know
or have you not heard?
The LORD is the eternal God,
creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint nor grow weary,
and his knowledge is beyond scrutiny.
He gives strength to the fainting;
for the weak he makes vigor abound.
Though young men faint and grow weary,
and youths stagger and fall,
They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength,
they will soar as with eagles’ wings;
They will run and not grow weary,
walk and not grow faint.- Isaiah 40: 25-31

And today's Gospel...

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves. 
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”- Matt. 11: 28-30

I love reading Isaiah during Advent for so many reasons, but in today's reading I love his confidence in God's strength and power. It reminds me that God is in control, not me. I also believe this was the reading that I read at my friends' wedding in July!

And of course, the Gospel reminds us that when we are weary, we should give everything over to God. Again, not resting on our own power, but His.

Happy Advent! I look forward to seeing what the rest of the season has to offer! But in a totally I'm-being-still, chill, and present, not anxious or a busy-body kind of way ;)

Peace,
Julia

The Year of Faith Revisited

With the end of the liturgical year culminating with the Feast of Christ the King yesterday, we say goodbye to the Year of Faith. The Year of Faith began in October of 2012  commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Second Vatican Council. The Year of Faith was to call to mind the anniversary of this great, game-changing event in the Church and it was to end on the Feast of Christ the King, 2013 which was yesterday.

As I was praying after Mass yesterday, I reflected on the readings for Year C of this feast and I also thought about how I had lived this "Year of Faith." As I already mentioned, the Year of Faith began in Oct. 2012, when Benedict XVI  was still our pope. As the YOF comes to a close, we have a new Holy Father, Pope Francis. And this significant change I think definitely plays a huge role in this YOF for the Church. Pope Benedict XVI was (and still is!) a great theologian. I remember having to read one of his works for grad school and I also (because I am a nerd) read many of his works for fun, too. He was (and is!) great with the written word. But I think something we see now with Pope Francis (the first to take on that name) is a pope of word and action. Granted, Benedict was not able to move and act as much as he would have liked, which is why he stepped down. But our current Holy Father is drawing many people back to the faith because of his actions, which is a great way to close out this year of faith. Benedict XVI "opened the Door of Faith" and Pope Francis is leading people in. It's so cool to reflect on how that worked!

And then I thought how I personally have lived this YOF, and admittedly, it is not as much as I would have liked. I started off strong, reading the document Benedict released, blogging about it, sharing the information and letter with my students. I began the New Year also talking about this theological virtue of Faith. But then it seemed that my faith was more tested than anything else in this year of faith. Since graduation and moving in May, I have had to struggle and rediscover my vocation and purpose since I no longer had a goal to strive toward and I have extra time (and space!) on my hands. This summer was certainly a struggle for me, working instead of traveling and jetsetting like I had the year before. 2012 had been such an exciting year with all of my weddings and travels, and 2013 has been a year of tests- literally and figuratively.

But reflecting now, isn't that what faith is? A series of joys and tests? Belief in things unseen? This year in particularly I certainly have had to have faith. Faith that I could get through my tests and believe that good will come from them. Faith is not always the sunshine and rainbows that come with joy and feeling close to God. Faith is also persevering when God does not feel so close. Our forefathers and foremothers have certainly shown that throughout Salvation History.

The readings for the Feast of Christ the King are really interesting in Year C. For those of you unfamiliar, I think I've mentioned this before, but our Sunday readings are on a three year cycle so that we don't hear the same readings year after year and we get to read more of the Bible. The Gospel for this Feast in year C is the passage of Jesus dying on the cross and speaking to the two criminals beside Him. One yells at Jesus and tells Him that if "He is the Son of God to save Himself and them" and the other says "Jesus, remember me when you come into Your Kingdom."

This is not the reading that comes to mind when I think of Jesus as a King. I think of His many parables about what the Kingdom of heaven will be like or something from the Ascension with the Son of God rising on a cloud to take His Throne. But this year's Gospel gives us the kind of King Jesus truly was and is: a king who is merciful, humble, broken for our sins. One who is like us in every way BUT sin. The Son of God who took on flesh to save us.

I use this story of the two criminals and Jesus to teach my lesson on judgment to my sophomores. Here are two men on their death bed. One continues to jeer and mock Jesus even to his death, needing proof of His divinity, and the other believes with a sorrowful, repentant faith.

Which are we more like right now? Do we still need Jesus to prove Himself to us? Or are we willing to believe, even if we are suffering?

I know this year I have needed much proof from God of His work in my life. But as we come to the end of this liturgical year and year of Faith, I like to think that I am going out the "Door of Faith" stronger and ready to release control.

Then he said,
"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."
He replied to him,
"Amen, I say to you,
today you will be with me in Paradise." - Luke 23:43

I met with my spiritual director to try to come up with ideas for Advent. I am really excited and looking forward to it. Advent is usually seen as a time of waiting. I am certainly in a time of waiting right now as I wait for what my next adventure will be. But my SD and I decided to focus more on the present moment and living Advent as it comes each day very presently for its own sake, so I am excited to give this active, present waiting a try.

I'm also soooooooooo looking forward to this Thanksgiving break! As you can tell, November has been a very reflective month for me and I am very grateful for it!

May you all have blessed Thanksgiving and blessed end of the liturgical year!
Peace,
Julia

Re-treat-ment

I began this year of blogging highlighting the fact that this was the first year in three years that my friends and I had not began the year with a retreat. 

I have been fortunate enough, however, to end this liturgical year with two!

I was asked a couple of months ago to be the music minister on a retreat for the youth group that I used to be in charge of before I entered religious life. It was an honor to be asked and I knew that since I would just mainly be providing music, I would have some down time to reflect myself. Not only had I felt like I come full circle (since this was the youth group I had essentially helped create- see my post on this parish here) but I was humbled that it truly has been 10 years now since I had graduated from CUA and began ministering to high school students full time (with only a brief detour in mid 2007-2010).

I was grateful for the opportunity not only to reflect but also to minister. Since I have finished my Masters, I've had lots of down time which at first was very welcome after years of studying and writing and researching all whilst teaching full time. But now I'm looking for ways to use my gifts outside of just teaching again. So this music ministry gig was a welcome opportunity. 

And I got to spend it praying HERE. A place I used to take my retreatants when I was the youth minister at this parish:

It was so breathtaking and peaceful and, like I said, I had some time to reflect on the year since I had not been truly able to while working on my Masters. 

While I was there, I worked on my plans for the upcoming Kairos 3 retreat at school as well as taking some personal prayer time. I've mentioned several times in this blog about the power of these Kairos retreats.  I believe the Holy Spirit allowed me to be open to the message He wanted for me personally and also that I was to share with the students on Kairos. 

The Kairos 3 retreat was this past week and it was even more successful, perhaps, than the 2 before it. Word has gotten out that this retreats are really powerful if students are open to it, so the students come in ready to experience it fully. I was absolutely blown away by the student leaders and all the students on the retreat this time around. They reminded me how open and vulnerable teenagers really are and how they desire true love and God's friendship. So many of them just wanted to know how they can have a relationship with God. This, to me, was the sign of a retreat well done and the Spirit moving in our world which gives me hope!

I have been praying this year to be more vulnerable and open and God continues to show me through the youth I encounter the challenge that I need to accept. The challenge to let He and others in. It's true that I've already let God into my life and I believe that the teens look up to me because I've done this and they want to let God have control of their lives. But it is a constant challenge to re-open myself to others and God in new ways. And now that this chapter of my life- my moving out of living in a community and my Masters degree- are done, I need to be open to whatever happens next.

For the first time in 3-4 years I truly have no idea, no direction of where God wants me to go. But He helped me to reclaim and reaffirm my commitment to youth ministry through these latest retreats. He continues to bless and honor me by allowing me to be in the lives of young people and minister to them. I've decided I'm going to continue to do that full force as long as He continues to call me. To just invest in what He has called me to in the present moment, which continues to be youth ministry.

I was growing nervous these past couple of months over having so much free time and what God might be calling me to do next, but after these two retreats, I've reclaimed, like I said, the here and now and the present moment. I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing and take every opportunity that comes my way to use my gifts in ministry to the best of my ability until He calls me to something else.

It's always been about the next thing for me. On the Kairos retreat we tell the students to participate, not anticipate. Anticipating was definitely making me a little crazy last month. And so I've decided to just participate in whatever God gives me in the here and now. It's kind of fun not having a clue about what is next (famous last words, I'm sure)!

I AM looking forward to, however, some Spiritual Direction this week as well as Thanksgiving break. Beyond that, I have no plans, no anticipations. Advent is going to be very interesting this year because I don't know yet what I'm "waiting" for!

Here's to the end of another liturgical year, anticipating Advent, and participating in the present!

Peace,

Julia

The Year in Review

It's really hard to believe that next week is the Feast of Christ the King. That means Advent is right around the corner and another liturgical year is come and gone. It is usually around this time in Nov. that I recap the year and take a moment to look at its highlights. I still feel like, though, so much good is yet to come! But we only have another two weeks!

My sister is due in these next two weeks with my little niece, so that will certainly be another highlight of 2013. But here is what else the year has brought me:

I rang in the New Year in LA and made another trip out there over Spring Break in April:

 I celebrated my Babci's 90th birthday! And then she got to come to DC to help me celebrate my Masters

 

I said goodbye to some of my favorite students:

And hello to some fun kids that I would spend much of my summer with nannying:

I got to have a much needed respite in Florida in July:

 And see two of my best friends get married:

I celebrated my 10 year college reunion...

And made some time for some trips to Philly, Richmond, Ohio, and (of course) some wineries.

When I look back on 2013, finishing my Masters degree is going to be one of the biggest standouts, as well as moving into my own apartment, and the year I decided to spend my summer as a nanny. 2013 definitely had it's ups and downs, and it has left me needing to rediscover myself in a way as I wait for what is next.

I truly can't believe 2013 and this liturgical year have come and gone. Guess it's time to embrace the waiting of Advent and 2014! I really have no idea what is next and that is scary and exciting!

Peace,
Julia

Working and Waiting

This fall it seems I'm having very many thoughts and experiences similar to that of fall three years ago- the fall of 2010. I became an aunt for the first time that year and I was working very hard as a first year teacher. I also got to harvest grapes for the first time at the family vineyard of some friends. There were also what I thought to be some promising dating opportunities at the time, and there was just an overall attitude of newness and hope after a pretty trying first half of the year.

Three years later (is it coincidence that our lectionary of readings is also on a three year cycle? That I would have heard the same gospels and letters three years ago in Year C, the same lectionary year as today?) my sister is one month away from giving birth for the second time, I'm still working hard as a teacher, and I recently got to harvest at the same family farm as I did in 2010.

This year, though, because it is 3-4 years later, there were SO MANY new grapes for us to harvest! Many different varieties than the grapes we had harvested before. And once again, the biblical analogy of the vineyard was not wasted on me. In fact, it probably had even more impact this time around since I was seeing even more fruits of years of labor.

As I was helping with the harvest this year, I meditated on how it truly takes so much time for wine to be produced. Christ certainly knew this and no doubt used it as His analogy for faith for this reason. Grapes take years to grow. The ones we were harvesting this fall in 2013 I believe had been planted in 2009. Four years to grow to the point where they were now ready to be picked. And that is still just the beginning stage of winemaking! Then there is time to ferment:

These were grapes that my friends picked earlier in the week. They have to ferment and be "punched down" for weeks, I believe before they move to the next stages...

The processing stages don't take AS long, I believe, as the growing of the grapes, but we still know that wine "gets better with age" so the longer in the bottle, the better!

Again, no wonder that Christ used this analogy for faith. Grapes take YEARS to grow. So does our faith. The growing is the longest part of the process (to my knowledge). This gave me much to meditate on since it seems Christ keeps sending me this message to WAIT (see most of my previous blog posts, including my last one before this).

The processing usually doesn't take as long, (again in my limited knowledge of winemaking) though it is still very much WORK. I have found this to be true in my faith life as well. Once i know what I'm doing or what needs to be "processed", God makes it happen. Like when I entered religious life, or went to grad school, those events still took time and effort- but they moved along a little quicker than the waiting/"growing".

Speaking of religious life, the order I had entered- I still remain in contact with and I am so grateful for that relationship and connection. The sisters began a novena last weekend and I reached out to a couple of the sisters I am close with and gave them my intention for new discernment. With grad school done now, I have spent the past couple of months just working and WAITING. I don't know what the next chapter is for me and I'm just working at school and spending the rest of my time just waiting for God to reveal what He wants me to do in addition to that.

The sisters were very sweet and sent me some words of inspiration which I thought I'd share because I used them to meditate on today:

"May He give you light, but also courage, as he helps you see the unfolding of this next chapter... Perhaps not having any project lined up will leave you freer (but perhaps feeling uncomfortable) so that you may receive what he is unfolding..."

 "Live the uncertainty as an invitation Jesus gives to trust more deeply... the present moment is a grace for those times..."

 "Keep loving Jesus in the present moment...and He will love you into the next chapter."

You can see that I had expressed some concern as to what to do in this present time because, unlike the fall of 2010, these experiences- while all great- are not really "new" this time around. I'm of course struggling with that theme of late (again, see last post!). I always want something NEW- a new project, a new chapter. It seems others are moving on and I'm still left on the vine to grow or that I have been left in the bottle a little longer.

But God's great plan has also not been wasted on me. While I was working (literally, not spiritually!) in the vineyard last weekend, I discovered that one of the winemakers married a friend of one of my old coworkers. A coworker from my job that I had right before I started teaching. This coworker was actually the reason I found my current job in the first place and it was just such a fitting reminder of how perfect God's plan is. I had really struggled in that previous job and it seemed to take forever to find the next, new fit for me. But when it was the right job, God made it happen and placed people in my life to make it happen. And I'm still very content in my current state three years later.

And so I will continue working and waiting in this uncertainty and perhaps looking at it as an opportunity in and of itself to grow. I did blog about and pray for vulnerability a while ago, didn't I? Sigh. I probably brought this all on myself!

Also, I knew there was a reason I feel such a strong affinity for wine :)

Happy Fall Harvest!
Peace,
Julia