It is amazing to me how each year my spirit kind of aches for Lent. Even though Lent is a challenge and not a celebratory time, each time around the end of winter, my body and spirit tend to ache for a discipline, a challenge- a need for change and renewal. This is what Lent offers us: a discipline and a time of renewal.
February truly has had its ups and downs. It has gone from 30 degrees to literally 80 degrees this month. Spring also seems to ache to come earlier this year. But even though the winter and cold (like Lent) may not be the most fun things, they are necessary. And while I LOVE the warm weather, it doesn't feel quite right not having gone through some of the depths of winter (Climate change IS a thing, guys!).
And so enter Lent. A time built-in by the Church for us to reflect and retreat no matter the weather.
As you can see from several of my last posts, this election has taken a toll on me, moreso than ever before. I have truly struggled to see where my Christianity fits in with all of the craziness going on online, in our country, and in our world. The Gospel is so clear to me, but to see so many people interpret it so differently has truly thrown me. And so this month I have had to really delve into and question the Gospels and what they mean to me. In many cases, I came to the same conclusions because I think that Jesus is clear. But how do I approach or treat my brothers and sisters- other Christian ones at that- who do not have the same thoughts?
I received solicited (and sometimes unsolicited) advice from a priest friends, Catholic friends, non-Catholics and sought out other local Catholic community- namely my parish RCIA community- but I was still confused. Some told me to be more vocal and not be silent. Some told me that I seemed too angry and needed to focus on peace within so that there could be peace without. It was very timely, then, that we had a retreat for RCIA candidates here in Richmond in the middle of February when I was really in the middle of grappling with a lot of what I have just mentioned. Taking that time was necessary and I hadn't taken even a morning like that in a while; just a time to be alone with my thoughts with the guidance of a spiritual director and Catholic community.
Even for a couple of hours, I felt a conversion. I also had a mini conversion driving (I hardly ever drive any more since everything I need is mostly within walking distance and certainly within the city proper) on the highway to seek out spiritual direction for the first time in a long time as well. As I was driving, I was called back in my mind to "previous lives" where I had struggled and grappled (sorry to keep using the same verbs!) with truth versus temptation in different ways than I am dealing with it now. But reflecting on those moments and remembering how I got through them gave me the tools and the hope that I needed to get through this month and this time and bring me refreshed and ready for the next part of the journey: Lent.
So here we are ready to start Lent this week. One of the comforting things I received when seeking help and guidance from my Catholic community were some suggestions for spiritual reading which I haven't done in a while. I am reading Richard Rohr's "Eager to Love" which is a book about St. Francis, but not in a way that I have ever seen done before.
I'm only a few pages in, but this is definitely a book I will have to devour slowly. There are so many nuggets for reflection on every page. Even though I have studied a lot about Christ and St. Francis in my lifetime, this book gives me new perspective on things I already have known. Namely, how both St. Francis and Christ kept the truths of old, but shed unnecessary or irrelevant practices and ways to make the Truth also NEW.
This is exactly what I needed right now and I didn't even realize it. I believe this is part of the solution to our cultural and ecclesial climate right now: we hold onto the Truth which is ancient but also timeless while moving forward to make things new. We need both the old and the new. And this Lent, I want to reflect on what I might need to shed in order to hold onto Truth and make way for the new.
I am grateful for this month of conversion and struggle so that I can enter the desert with Jesus this Lent and continue to shed some of the old and emerge hopeful and rejoicing at Easter.
In terms of practices for Lent this year: I'm thinking of continuing this spiritual reading, making a holy hour once a week, and giving up snacks and alcohol (except wine. Is that bad? I didn't want to be unrealistic ;)
I toyed with giving up social media, but I just need to be disciplined with it in general and practice it in moderation. I do think that I need to be vocal right now in some cases and so I am discerning and picking and choosing those moments. I am hoping that my Lenten practices will also help me be more open to listening to these moments with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I'm so pumped for Lent! What will be your shedding of the old to make room for the new this season?