I Gotta Feeling...

Yes, this post title IS echoing the current Black Eyed Peas hit. OVERPLAYED but still kind of awesome. You can't help singing along when Fergie shouts out her adlibs (SMASH IT. LIKE OH MY GAWD...shout out Naj and the recycling crew! ;)

But I chose the title because I had been having a feeling lately that I needed a kind of retreat. Prayer in the morning's been great, the novena has been rockin' (way more than I thought, surprisingly. Who wants to pray to be totally open to God's Will- I mean HONESTLY OPEN. I'm talking His will which could possibly include, I don't know, remaining single forever?! I know, right? But surrender is a beautiful thing, and God knows our hearts...), but I needed a little extra me n Jesus time.

One of the volunteers from the youth group I used to work with in VA let me know that they were taking a group to Awakening Fest- an all day Christian concert in NoVA. I found that quite a few kids whom I had worked with were going, and like I said, I had just been having this feeling lately...that I needed to get back to my roots in a way.

Time to TESTIFY! (who remembers the short lived Kanye song by the same name? I know Kanye is taboo these days for many reasons, but that was one of my jams circa, say, I dunno- 2004 maybe?) anywho...

Christian concerts like the one I went to this weekend were pretty crucial in my personal relationship with Jesus. I must admit, it was the non-denominational Protestants in my life that jump started me on my walk with Jesus. And witnessing the concert this Saturday, I remembered why.

Our Protestant brothers and sisters get down to basics. They speak of Christ's personal love for each of us as the reason He died on the Cross. They preach often that we are saved by His Cross and Resurrection. Done and Done.

And that is the heart of it- God became Man to die for us to save us because He loves us. I know I just talked about this a couple blogs ago with the John 3:16 reading, so I will spare you my football poster comment(s) again...

For me, I needed to get back to that personal love. That reminder that, yes, Jesus died for me and He'd do it again because He loves me that much.

And it has become clear to me in my walk with Jesus, that my Catholic faith adds SO. MUCH. to that Truth. And I couldn't help but think- as I often do- how much MORE amazing would that concert be if the Eucharist were present and Christ could be worshiped while He was truly present there before us (He was pretty present anyways- it was raining all day, and it seemed kind of appropriate to me. Jesus raining down His love and mercy.... but we know how the Eucharist draws us even closer to Him).

The same youth leader who told me about the event reminded me that the Gospel this Sunday (and then again today at daily Mass) was 'anyone who is not against us, is for us'- a pretty ecumenical message. And so I pray for Catholics and for our other Christian brothers and sisters and that we can become more united in our ministry and our proclamation of Jesus and His message of HOPE in the world. The Protestants definitely have that simple Gospel message and ZEAL down. But our Catholicism has a rich, rich bounty that adds even more to that. For example:

IT'S OLD. In both of my grad classes, we are reading old catechisms and I totally geek out over them. We went to see the rare books collection in our Library, and me and my whole class were all like: 'oooo....a 17th century children's catechism! Look at the pictures of the seven deadly sins!' Kind of sick, I know. (BTW, it is a fact that I've spent more time in the library in 4 weeks of grad school than 4 years of undergrad. Sorry, mom and dad...) But it is just amazing to me what a deep history the Catholic Church has! We have maintained rituals and teachings from the very beginnings of Christianity. Our faith stems from Jesus' initiation of Peter as our Rock and what Christ left to the apostles. Amazing! (It is also amazing to me that some of the catechisms we've seen in recent years haven't changed from like the 1500's, which has positives and negatives...I'm working out that thesis in my head right now ;)

Anyways, I am thankful for the opportunity to get 'back to my roots' today in my personal relationship with Jesus, in being re-connected with the fruits of some of my ministry efforts, and the rich history of our Church which involves many people of different backgrounds and points of view. May we all bear much fruit for the growth of the kingdom on earth and in heaven.

Peace,
Julia

On Dreams

My apologies to Aristotle from whom I stole the title of this post from his original work. "Why then, Julia, have you posted a pic of Sigmund Freud?", you ask. Well, when looking up images of Aristotle, several scary images of statues popped up, and we all know how I feel about statues. I also remember reading a text by the same name by Freud in college, so I suppose I'm not the first to gank the title. So there.

Phew! My brain is ALL. OVER. the place today. Blame it on grad school, blame it on dreams. Blame it on the a-ah-ah-ah-alco...what's that, Jaime Foxx?

Have you seen those new Bing! commercials where a person asks their parent or spouse a question and they reply with several somewhat related (but not really) responses repeatedly until they appear to resemble the spawn of the devil and the main character is left to back away slowly and think, 'why did I ask'?

I'm like that today. Try me.

"Julia, how are you today?"

I hate it when someone puts the roll of toilet paper on the dispenser so the sheets come under instead of over. I love it when people cutting or trimming the lawn stop for you so you can pass by. Did I finish cutting the lawn? That episode of Mad Men with the tractor in the office was disturbing.

And so also applies when I pray today and I ask God, 'what's Your Dream for me? What's my life's Dream?'

First of all, speaking in terms of 'dreams' is somewhat against my nature. I mean, I like dream interpretation. I find that very interesting. But here I don't mean dreams in the literal sense, but the figurative one.

Now, I'm the realistic pessimist, remember? Dreams are for optimists. I don't speak in dreams and rainbows and kittens. I just don't.

So where did I come up with the question, then, of 'my life's dream'?

Another idea I stole, I'm afraid. From this guy:

Blessed James Alberione. Still love 'em. He came up with this prayer:

"Your dream, O Master, is to lay hold of me, to change me with your divine life.
Your dream is to purify me, to free me from my selfishness and my faults.
Your dream is to re-create me, to make me a new person in your image.
Your dream is to fill me with your charity, to make me love the Father and all my brothers and sisters just as you do.
Your dream is to bind me to you with the closest bonds, to bind out hearts together as one.
Your dream is to make me strong, to impart to me your divine power, so that I can overcome evil and be constant in doing good.
Your dream is to enflame me with an untiring zeal to spread your kingdom in the world.
Your dream is to possess me in this life and in the life to come,
O Master, may your dream come true,
May I be able to give all that you ask of me."

Good, right? I've known of this prayer for a couple years now, but until recently haven't been able to pray it with my whole heart. Not that I'm exactly 'living the dream' now- not at all.

I am currently praying yet ANOTHER novena, though this time with friends, which definitely adds an element of HOPE to the novena. Strength in numbers! It pretty much is a novena not too different from Alberione's prayer. We want to become more open to God's 'Life Dream' for us; for His Dream and our Dream to be one.

Look at me all up in this piece talking about DREAMS. Huh. God must be doing some kind of work in me :)

So what is my life's dream? Heck if I know. When you ask me that, I go back to sounding like that Bing commercial: 'I want to be a writer. NO, a wife! No a long time student! A volunteer!' I will say, though, in spite or despite of all the turmoil this year in trying to figure out 'my life's dream' I have become content in the waiting. Ah! Gasp!

And maybe that's God's Dream for me.

Ooooo....that's deep.
Peace,
Julia

Angels (and Demons)

First of all, today is the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross. The readings today remind us of God's love for us- so much so, that He sent His Son to die so we might have life. I'm always appreciative of today's Gospel passage- John 3:16- because it just sums up this idea of God's love for us and Christ's mission so clearly. And because you see it on posters at football games.

I also always love reading today's 2nd reading from St. Paul in the brievary: "For God did not deem equality with God something to be grasped...rather He emptied Himself, taking the form of the slave..." (Phil. 2:6-11) It's a reminder during the times where I am impatient or confused by God- thinking I have to do MORE and be perfect- for me to see that God doesn't necessarily want that confusion for us. There is beauty in the mystery of God, but He also tried to set a clear example for us by sending Jesus.

I needed that clear reminder today. My sister got married this weekend and when someone that close to gets married, there's also SO much to think about! And my little head was left in a whirlwind after this weekend's events (or maybe it was just the ridiculous amount of jello shots that were taken at the encouraging of my 86 year old grandmother throughout the weekend)

It really was a perfect day, weather wise, and also everything just came together perfectly and fell into place. God's hand was certainly all over this day and He made that known to my family and I in many ways. Here are some pics of the beautiful bride and our day! (1st and 3rd photos courtesy of Mr. Fred Ginter)






God also showed me His love for me, not only through the very clear readings today and the obvious blessings of my family this weekend, but in a very clear and personal way yesterday in the BWI airport parking lot of all places!

I had just taken the bus back to my car from the airport, my head full of thoughts from the weekend and the typical single girl questions that come with witnessing weddings: 'will that ever be me? Does God want that for me? Do I want that? How can you know? Who will it be? yadda yadda yadda...'

And before I had any opportunity to feel sorry for myself and let the demons of temptation slip in while waiting in line paying for my parking lot ticket, I'm greeted at the parking lot booth with a strong and friendly 'Hello!' from the woman inside.

'Hello!' I respond.

'Where did you GET to go this weekend?' the woman asks as I reach for my credit card.

'Um...GET to go? Er, ah, well, Cleveland. So I don't know if you can really say GET to. But I was with my family, so that was fun." I respond.

She says, 'oh, Cleveland! Well that sounds nice! By the way, I am 27 years cancer free today. I was healed by the Lord Jesus Christ and I am cancer free. We should trust in Jesus because He can do all things.'

Whoa. Alright, then! I told her I really believed that and God to bless her. She said the same to me and then I was on my way.

I immediately recognized that in that moment, God was speaking to me and that was such a clear message to me from God. Just as I was about to ask all kinds of questions and potentially lead myself from trusting in God's plan (AGAIN!) He sends me this woman to remind me that God can do all things. Amen! And I am carrying that message of HOPE with me today!

So she was the angel that I reference in this title. The angels in all of the Gospels and Old Testament proclaim a message to others, and she was a definite herald of God's message to me. As for the demons, they are the temptations and thoughts that enter into our heads that try to keep us from hearing and following God's message.

A case can also be made that bridesmaid's satin is of the devil. As I most recently noticed- with the change of only one letter satin becomes satan. Coincidence? I think not. It does not wrinkle, it is water resistant- all things that natural fabrics are not. And wearing it can cause you to end up doing things like, oh, I don't know...drinking too much and wind up sleeping in it? Not that I know that for a fact or anything...I'm just saying. It could happen.

Peace,
Julia

Blessings and Booze

Ha! So my friend and I decided this subject heading would be a great title for this blog or for perhaps maybe my memoirs one day. It really was spawned because she keeps a blog called Baking, Books, and Booze (you should check it out- it's hilarious and has some great recipes and book recommendations! Shout out, E!)

And also because one of the wineries I like to frequent out in Leesburg, VA is having this event that I think is genius and wish I could go to!(see 2nd Annual Blessing of the Harvest)

Blessings and Booze? Yes please!

Last Sunday, my aforementioned friend and I did the best. thing. ever. We rented a limo to take us and 8 other people to three of our favorite wineries (not the aforementioned winery, though. Next time!)

I really recommend this as a way to travel- especially when alcohol is involved! It was a blessing. On so many levels. To be altogether with friends, enjoying God's great creation (rolling hills, fermented grapes... someone give me a Nature badge) and just celebrating life. Here are some pics from our day out in the 'burg (Middleburg, that is!):




And it reminded me that I really need to remember the simple pleasures and blessings in my life. No, really!

Re-reading my past few blogs, I am pretty proud of myself! This pessimistic realist has been quite hopeful, it seems! I was down a little bit yesterday, because when I approach my 'situation' from a negative angle ('I can't believe I'm still in this job, still in this state of unknowing when everyone around me has their prayers answered, etc.'), sure- that's no fun and leads to nowhere! But when I think of how much God has given me- the blessings of a healthy family, roof over my head, friends, WINETASTING EXCURSIONS,as Hallmark Movie as that may seem, it does give me hope.

And as I've mentioned before, reading the Bible helps. And Confession. It just reminds me these things are tools given to us for a reason! When I'm not reading God's Word or have a bunch of smelly sin built up, I totally feel pessimistic. Who's surprised? Nobody.

Speaking of keeping it simple (er, stupid? can I get a K.I.S.S.? ha! oh, on so many levels, though...) the readings today were a good reminder of the simple values we as Christians keep to keep us on track (and I realize I'm like embedded hyperlink happy today....my apologies)

So I'm keepin' on keepin' on, hoping in the Word....going to be witnessing my sister, Janet GETTING MARRIED this weekend. That's going to be intense and most likely blogworthy.

Yes bridesmaid's dress #7 will be involved, but I'm thinking I've saved the best for LAST :)(and mostly because I don't plan on buying bridesmaid satin ever. again. That means YOU, friends! :)

Peace and HOPE,
Julia

The Sassy Girl's Guide to....

So I'm driving to work today listening to yet another roommate mix cd (we have one for every emotion and sentiment, if you couldn't tell). This one was made for me after we attended YET ANOTHER wedding and it was a compilation of songs from the drive up mixed in with some sassiness to sustain us 'til the next one.

I was realizing that I'm in a very different place than I was a year ago when this cd was made and that's GOOD. If you've been reading my facebook statuses, tweets, and various other forms of social networking, you've perhaps noticed I'm trying to be positive these days.

Nothing's really changed since that time of the wedding last year- I'm in the same job, still single, still living with the same girls- but I have a routine, I've got some of my 'swag' back....I've got HOPE, kids.

This doesn't mean my trust is perfect, but I am recognizing my sources for hope. I have my time in prayer that gives me hope. I have God's Word and Sacraments that give me hope. I have my friends and family who give me hope (which, I should say, I really realized at my cousin's wedding this past weekend. AS much as I may complain about weddings, I will go ahead and admit there is something hopeful about seeing two people make a life commitment to each other. They have so much hope in entering into their marriage, you can't help but have hope for them and for yourself. I think it's even more visible and tangible when you see it in your family. I can't wait to see it at my sister's wedding in- SHOOT- about TWO WEEKS!!!).

Grad school is also giving me hope- a sense of purpose. But in reading Cardinal Van Thuan's 'Testimony of Hope' (I told you that man's got hope all over the place) we have to be careful (at least I do!) of not putting our hope in the WORKS of God, but IN GOD.

Does that make sense? I think for the past year that was my problem. I wanted to trust and hope in the WORKS of God. As Cardinal Van Thuan mentions, his pastoral ministry to the people of his diocese, for example. We can't put trust in that work. We have to trust GOD Himself.

We choose GOD first, not His Works. The works come after. For instance, when I had my little conversion in high school, I was choosing God Himself. I had not experienced all the work He would do in my life- the ministry, the traveling, the convent. I didn't choose to follow Him because of all that. I just chose to turn to HIM.

And arguably, He chooses US first, anyways! We just need to choose Him back.

All this hoping has also inspired me to pursue more my desire to share these works of the Lord and the Lord with others. Of course I have to be focused on just sharing Him first. But if it's His Will, I would LOVE to write a book, or two, or three eventually.

I'm thinking a series like, 'The Sassy Girl's Guide to...' Scripture. Weddings. Pop culture. Catholicsm. I've got big plans. And I know God does too. I pray that they are one in the same. That we are one in the same.

But perhaps be on the lookout for the 'Sassy Girl's Guide' series in a Christian/Catholic bookstore near you soon ;) I'd love your feedback/ thoughts on how to make this happen! I probably should finish grad school first. Author's bios always look better when the have those degrees and initials after their names...no?

United in Hope,
Peace,
Julia

Beacon of Hope

St. Clare of Assisi, pray for us!

Today is the Feast of St. Clare of Assisi. When I stayed for a month with some Franciscan Sisters a couple of years ago when I was discerning, I remember a very powerful image they had of St. Clare in their gardens. She was standing guard with the Eucharist, kind of trailblazing in a way (and she wasn't too creepy for me as far as statues go because she was a little smaller in statue stature ;)

St. Clare is often showed holding the Eucharist for this reason:

"An army of rough soldiers came to attack Assisi and they planned to raid the convent first. Although very sick, St. Clare had herself carried to the wall and right there, where the enemies could see it, she had the Blessed Sacrament placed. Then on her knees, she begged God to save the Sisters." (from Catholic Online)

I started praying to St. Clare back in college when my spiritual director at the time gave me a prayer for healing with St. Clare as the intercessor. Man, did I learn then the powerfulness of this saint! St. Clare doesn't mess around. She may have been one of St. Francis' quiet followers, but you HAVE to be a rebellious revolutionary to do what she did. So she comes through in intercession for sure!

Speaking of revolution and the Eucharist...in reading my "Five Loaves and Two Fish" which I am doing daily by Cardinal Van Thuan, I was appropriately reading his chapter on the Eucharist.

The man performed daily Mass and had adoration with fellow Catholic prisoners in a jail cell for years. When I was reading about how they would put the consecrated host in a cigarette box to keep Jesus' presence amid them as a tabernacle....WHAT!? How crazy beautiful is that??

And then it got me thinking about how we take the Eucharist and Christ's Presence in it totally for granted. Cardinal and the lay faithful in his cell knew the power and presence of Christ among them in the Eucharist. The Eucharist IS Jesus' way of being present among us now...but yet we don't even genuflect when we go into a Church.

It also got me thinking about how Jesus is all around us and how we should treat everything around us with reverence and Christ's presence like we do with the Eucharist. Christ's presence in the Eucharist brings me so much peace. And so what if we envisioned that peace in the Eucharist all around us- His Presence all around?

It's like St. Clare, blazing the way holding a monstrance- the peace that was then there present in Christ amid the chaos of war and destruction. What if we imagined Christ's presence like that? How much more peaceful would we be?

Here is the prayer I mentioned for healing to St. Clare- we all need a little healing. May Christ through St. Clare be a beacon of HOPE for us!

For Healing

O Blessed Saint Clare,
your life shines like a beacon
and cast its light down the ages of the Church
to guide the way of Christ.
Look with compassion on the poor and humble
who call on you for help.
As you bow before your Eucharistic Lord in Heaven,
speak to Him of my afflicted body
and my broken spirit.
Ask Him to heal me
and to wash away my sins
in His precious Blood.

Great Servant of Christ,
remember the needs of my family
and all those I pray for.
Defend us from everything
that would threaten our Holy Catholic faith.
Hear the cry of the poor
and make it a song of intercession,
rising from your poor heart
to the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus,
our Healer,
our Saviour,
and our Lord.

Amen.

Awesomeness personified

Cardinal Van Thuan- author "Five Loaves and Two Fish" and oh so much more!

My Spiritual Director recently mentioned to me that God might be calling me to contemplate 'hope'. He suggested Cardinal Van Thuan's works to me. The man has lots to say on hope: ( 'The Road of Hope', 'Testimony of Hope', etc.) He was in a prison in Vietnam for thirteen years because of his role as a priest in a communist country and emerged to one day lead Spiritual Exercises for JP2.

To piggy-back off of my last entry on 'Five Loaves and Two Fish' I wanted to share this excerpt I just read in the intro of that particular book about Cardinal Van Thuan:

'Soon after his release from prison...Thuan was casually recounting [to me] his thirteen year experience as a prisoner...He looked into my eyes and, shaken by sudden emotion, said, 'my morale was at its lowest. I was almost in despair. In the darkness of my cell, cut off from my diocese, could not do a thing for anyone; I could not even talk to anyone. I felt completely useless. I prayed, but God did not seem to hear. Then all of a sudden I saw, as if in a vision, Christ on the cross, crucified and dying. He was completely helpless...certainly worse off than me in my prison cell. Then I heard a voice- was it his voice?- saying: 'At this precise moment on the cross, I redeemed all the sins of the world.' (Five Loaves and Two Fish, foreward)

Whoa. Point taken. Redemptive Suffering! There's something to be said for it! Using the times we are at our lowest for good gives us something to live for- hope for ourselves and others.

The author of the foreward goes onto say:

'The man who sat in that dark cell understood God's message. He gave his all to the Lord, and the Lord turned the littleness of what he offered into a new fountain of hope for many people around the world'.

The five loaves and two fish! Offering what little we have for the good of all. Brilliant. Amazing. So hard to do! Cardinal Van Thuan, interceed for us!

It seems that many holy men and women- like the Cardinal, St. Therese, St. Paul of course comes to mind- understand their so-called 'uselessness' and embrace it. Hmmmm...

Their frailty, their imperfections, restrictions, etc....they embrace their current state and offer it to Jesus. This is what Christ did on the cross. This is the secret!

Why oh why does it take us so many things like this to see?? Oh the humanity! (Literally). But thank you, Jesus, for your (so many) examples. May we have eyes to see and ears to hear!