Tuesday, August 4, 2009


School is going to be starting for me in about a month and I'm going to have to change my prayer routine. Sigh. I have afternoon classes, so I'm going to have to go to work in early. I had such a good thing going! Mass after gym in the morning, half hour of Adoration before work. We'll see how Jesus shakes things up for me this fall.

Tonight I went to Adoration in the evening. Sometimes I just feel a little nudge from Jesus to go to our chapel (which I'm so grateful for. Jesus has always blessed me with having access to Him in the Blessed Sacrament wherever I've lived; whether it be CUA, home in Ohio, the convent, Arlington, and now here in MD).

First of all I should say there has been a GREAT answer to prayer which I'm very much in praise of God for. Our dear friend from college, Dan, was diagnosed with A.L.L. type leukemia I'd say about 2 months ago. We just found out today he is in remission and this is such an answer to prayer. He has been so strong in perseverance and hope that I've been entrusting Him to St. Paul and Our Lady of Hope- they definitely came through! Hooray!

So I will let the answer to my and my friends' prayers for Dan trump the fact that I feel like I haven't heard a word from God since May 2008. Okay, I'm being dramatic again, but I feel like every time I do go take some time for prayer, I'm not optimistic that I will hear anything. Maybe I just need to change my attitude, or maybe this is still a time of desolation. I'm done trying to figure it out!

But my spiritual director last week did tell me to re-visit a form of prayer that I've kind of let fall by the wayside: letting Scripture speak to me. I used to analyze and read Scripture daily, multiple times a day even, before I entered the convent. He and I both discussed how sometimes the practice of praying with Scripture is scary because we are afraid what the Lord may say to us through it!

And on that note...

Today I got an interesting Scripture passage. A surprise, really.

I had been trusting in the passage I got last week about being a 'light' and Jesus not wanting to keep us under a bushel. This passage gave me much confidence in myself and Him, so this past week I roll into prayer maybe rather doubtful, I try to remember it.

Today I decided to turn to John 6 for the ever inspiring Bread of Life Discourse that i know I've mentioned a few times...but this time in between the feeding of the 5,000 and the Discourse, I was struck by the passage sandwiched in between- Jesus walking on water.

I know we've all heard this story of the miracle a hundred times. But what is it about really? And why is it sandwiched between two passages specifically on Bread (sandwich and bread pun not intended)?

It certainly is kind of a shocking story, kind of a surprise to me (and to the apostles for sure!) I tried to place myself in the apostles' shoes. They were waiting for Jesus, but it was getting dark and late, so they figured he wasn't coming and got in the boat. Three or four miles in, they see Jesus- not swimming out to them (which would've maybe been a little crazy in itself, but not out of the question) but walking out to them! And they are frightened! With good reason!

I'm sure they wanted Jesus to join them and maybe it was mixed emotions to see Him in this way. I'm sure they were suprised- I'm SURE they weren't expecting to see Him and definitely not like THAT!

Which made me think- am I ready to see Jesus as I don't expect Him? Am I frightened to see Jesus in maybe a different way? A way I'm not expecting?

Jesus' ways are also very mysterious. Why not swim? why not get someone else to row you out towards your friends? Why the unconventional way, Jesus?

The obvious response is for us to trust and believe. Two words I'm working on.

This passage surprised me today because there are many ways to look at it, and also because it does present Jesus in a different light than I'm used to seeing Him. Usually I see Jesus as very gentle and understanding. He is uber-mysterious here, though, and a little frightening! I get the mystery thing, Jesus, but why must you sneak up on them in (I'll say it) kind of creepy way?

All I can take from this right now that Jesus does surprise us, He does work in mysterious ways, and perhaps presents things in ways and times we dont expect. But ultimately His ways show His power and challenge us to trust Him.

Hmmm...we'll see if God reveals Himself in new, mysterious ways anytime soon :) Until then..


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