Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Love the One You're With

This Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song popped in my head in prayer today (I have no idea why, btw, that I am always finding random songs in prayer. Some people receive scripture verses, some mantras. No, no, not me, God likes to give me familiar pop songs. But He knows me well :) And NO JOKE (God also likes to do this too) it was on the radio when I got in my car after prayer! Random? Coincidence? Jesus...

So why I'm singing choruses of 'doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo' in my head?

Ever since Pentecost I believe, as I've mentioned, I'm starting to receive the Fortitude I've prayed for during my novena. God's definitely given me more courage to offset the fear I've had of embracing this current state in life, job, and what that means. I no longer am fearing the present and the possibilities for the future ( Do I like or enjoy the possibilities of the present? That's another blog, but I definitely have plenty of opportunities to 'offer up' and 'grow in holiness' let's just say..)

I was pretty scared, not gonna lie, after last year, to open back up to God! God got a big, 'nope! not leaving an open door for you again!' after the convent. I had been so open about vocation prior, but then last year I just started to tell God: I'm calling the shots now. And I've pretty much been miserable. That's dramatic. I am happy, but my spiritual life has suffered some.

Since Pentecost, I am embracing more, as I said last time, that this is what God has for me. And my spiritual director last night (as he always does- I'm SO grateful God has provided me with a holy spiritual director that seems to 'get' me. That is certainly a gift. Good men are hard to find- as we well know! ;) he affirmed everything I'm feeling and praying for, and gave me some tools (as a good spiritual director does) on how to pray with those feelings.

The thing that's been coming up for me and a lot of my friends lately it seems is: 'why do I have this desire in my heart for __________ (fill in the blank here. In my case, ministry. In some of my friends' cases, to be a mom, a wife) for a good holy, thing, but am not receiving it? What am I supposed to do with this desire?'

And he (my SD) re-iterated the steps of discernment. First of all:

is the desire a good one?

is it within your state in life? (That is, if you desire to be a mom and you are married, for example. If you have that desire and are consecrated religious, you'd have to break that open more... ;)

and then, what attracts you to this particular call/vocation?

That was one that I've had to struggle with many times, especially in entering religious life. The community wants to know before you enter, what is your motivation? Do you just want a free place to live? Not have to think about your wardrobe? get my point.

For me I believe God has placed in my heart a desire to minister, particularly to young people- teens and young adults. And as many of you know, an opportunity hasn't really presented itself directly as of late. So my spiritual director asked me to pick apart what attracts me to that particular ministry/call, and then, how can I live those particulars in the here and now, in the state that He's currently called me to?

I've already offered that little exercise or words of wisdom to a couple of people since yesterday. God has shown me there are many people who are struggling with the same thing. Maybe not for a ministry position, but to have a desire to be fulfilled (for don't we all have unfulfilled desires? We are all longing for God and heaven- even if we don't know it!)and I was happy to be able to share that new tidbit of wisdom with them. Hmmm....even 'minister' to them, perhaps ;)

And so as for the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song...'If you can't be with the 'one' you love- whether it be a future spouse, future child, future job- love the one
you are with. Embrace the moment. Find the good. Easier said than done, I know. But it's helped me today :)


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