Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I'm Back

I know that I have been 'back' for a while, that is, I left the convent three months ago. But I don't think I spiritually or mentally was 'back'. This week, though, I finally feel like "I'm back". Back in the world, but back also with Jesus- back on the right track.

I've been told it takes at least half the time that you are in a relationship to recover from a breakup. It's been about a third of the time that I was in the convent, but I had been discerning for well over a year. And while, this is deifinitely not a 'break up', I felt a little confused the past couple months as why all the events of the past year or so had to happen like they did.

I wouldn't say I've been in spiritual desolation or anything, but I have felt a little removed from God, and maybe I even did that intentionally. You know that after a break up, sometimes you just don't want to see that person for a while. But this was between me and GOD...you can't really avoid Him. Well, you can, and I think I did, but I was finding that it hurt me more to do so.

So Jesus and I are talking again ;) We always were, but I've been making time each morning for prayer and going to Mass and the Sacraments regularly. I feel like He's finally giving me some insight again into His Plan. For the past few months I've been wondering 'why' alot, and now He's finally starting to show me...."oh, that's why!" That's why I'm back in DC. That's why I'm at the Pallotti Center, etc. And as far as God's time goes, three months is actually kind of quick to get some answers, so I'm grateful! He knows me and how impatient I am ;)

There have also been some things going on with my friends so it's made me want to step up and pray more for them, getting closer to God myself in the process. I'd been so self focused, now I'm definitely focusing on praying and supporting those around me. I've seen how much community is needed, ironically, outside of living in community! ;)

My new office is in the same building as the seminary for the Archdiocese of Washington and the guys are moving in today. I went for a walk at lunch and ran into someone I knew from youth ministry in Arlington. He took me in and started giving me a tour of the seminary, and I realized I knew like 5 other guys in there! When I think about it, I probably have 13 seminarians on my facebook, a couple of priests, sisters, postulants...my life isn't normal, I realize. But I'm just so in awe (especially now that I've tried it!) of these men and women who are giving themselves to the Church and Christ so selflessly and faithfully. As Alina and I used to say, 'There HAS to be a God because NO ONE would want to do this [religious life] otherwise!"

I'm really excited to be moving to Silver Spring in less than two weeks! I really think part of the reason I'm back in DC is to live with Susan and Steph. They are such good examples of holy women, living the way that God wants them to live. They will help me transition well, I think, as well as continue to grow. And we all believe in the Gladys Hardy ( an 88 year old woman who Ellen DeGeneres called on her show) mantra of life: "I love Jesus, but a drink a little ;)

Thanks for reading this long blog. I just wanted to share my joy that "I'm back!" in my routine of loving Jesus and focusing on Him as my 'Hebrews 12:1-3" blogaddress states!


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