Okay, so I've been praying/talking about mystery and accepting that mystery as GIFT. Today, Jesus gave me a little gift by surprising me when I went to pray with ADORATION! Surprise! Love it when He does that.
I sat myself down in front of the Blessed Sacrament and was just trying to acknowledge and call to mind that this is JESUS in front of me. That He is right here with me (and always is) but is revealing Himself to me in this way at this moment.
I wanted to be overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to shed a tear. I cannot even count the number of times I've pulled a "Lindsay Bluth" from Arrested Development this year, trying to force myself to cry:
(I wanted to find the actual pic of the scene I'm talking about, but you'll have to settle for Lucille's winking face. It's about the same concept...)
And this one of Lindsay and GOB just for fun ;)
Anyways, so I'm there in the chapel trying to cry, when I finally realize the Spirit's just not moving that way today, and move onto Scripture. And the Gospel has TRUTHBOMBS for me all over the place. This still doesn't move me to tears, but definitely convicts me of His presence, His action in that moment. He always knows what we need!
Today's Gospel is the one where Salome (I used to giggle each time our teacher for Synoptic Gospels would say this woman's name. It always sounded like "Salami" to me ;) COMMANDS JESUS to make her sons, James and John, sit at His right hand with jewels and crowns, and to drink the cup He drinks.
Oh no she didn't! Who does she thinks she is? Who COMMANDS Jesus to move and do stuff for them? Who...oh, right. I do.
My friend and I were just having this conversation the day before, in fact, about asking God for things and how that while Jesus does tell us to ask things of Him, there is much more freedom in openness. It is better to just be open to whatever God has for us than to ask for specific things. There is still a let down if the thing we are asking or "commanding" for isn't "gifted" to us. How many times have I recently fell in this trap?
And Jesus answers Salome (heh) with, "can your boys even handle the cup I drink?" (okay, I paraphrased there) And the answer is of course, "no"- well, the boys say "yes", but Jesus knows the Truth. And it is then that He tells them this:
"My cup you will indeed drink, but to sit at my right and at my left, this is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father."
Right. It's not part of God's plan. So we can ask all we want, and God certainly wants us to speak to Him, but He's got something brewing up there for us and its usually perfect (though not always convenient! That's for sure! ;)
In fact, in the very next breath, He's telling the apostles they will have to serve one another and that the first of them will be last. Who wants to sign up for that?
But are we willing to go along with it if it's part of the plan?
That's up for us to decide. We have the free will to trust it or not.
Before Salo..okay, James and John's mama...bends Jesus' ear, Jesus actually pulls over the apostles to tell them that He will be condemned to death. It's kind of even more ridiculous that James and JOhn's mama asks what she does of Jesus after the apostles of just heard what is to become of Him.
It's also a good example of this idea of mystery being revealed to us before we are ready to understand it. Here, Jesus is essentially giving the apostles and us what we want- He lays it out and gives them the plan. But they don't understand it yet because they haven't experienced it.
This is what I was talking about last post and what I'm discussing in my classes about mystery. Jesus most likely IS revealing things to us like we want Him to, but we are not ready yet to experience the plan and therefore are inable to put the pieces together.
It was pretty perfect timing, this Gospel was today. Not surprised. That's how He do.
Oh, and also, the first reading- short as it was- was also uber convicting.
Jeremiah's enemies plan to bring him down by using his own words against him:
"And so, let us destroy him by his own tongue; let us carefully note his every word"
Yipes! Makes ya want to choose your words carefully...especially when speaking in His name. I feel really convicted to pray for the misunderstandings and words that have been exchanged because of the Archdiocese of DC's choice to pull services due to the new same sex marriage law in DC. Please join me in prayers of healing for our Church, for the people they serve, and for all.
Peace,
Julia
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