Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I Had a Vision of Love

Thinking of a title for this blog post made me also think of how badly I want to advocate for bringing back the old school Mariah (Mariah Carey, that is). You know, like 'Fantasy' Mariah: 'me and Mariah- go back like babies and pacifiahs...' (RIP, ODB). What has girlfriend done to herself these days? Just even musically speaking (because God help if I get into physically, emotionally...I'm in no place to judge...)

Bring back 'Someday', 'Emotions' and songs that showcase your voice, my friend!!!

But that is clearly a post for my popblog.

What I'd like to address here, today is of course, God's Love and His Vision for us.

At the prompting of my spiritual director (what would I do without that man??) I have been making more of an effort to read Scripture and challenging myself to read an entire book at a time. I did this, actually, when I was in high school. Read the bible straight through with my trusty Study bible. But a lot certainly has changed since I was, oh, 18 to say the least!

I've also decided to start with the Gospels, which is usually where we tell people to start when they haven't had much a of a prayer life or perhaps are new to prayer. Since I have only recently been feeling consolation, I thought this advice could certainly apply to me as well!

I'm at chapter 9 in Matthew and today was the 'Healing of the Paralytic':

"He entered a boat, made the crossing, and came into his own town.
And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Courage, child, your sins are forgiven."
At that, some of the scribes said to themselves, "This man is blaspheming."
Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, "Why do you harbor evil thoughts?
Which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Rise and walk'?
But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" --he then said to the paralytic, "Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home."
He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings"
. Matt 9:1-9

I don't know about you, but when Jesus asks, 'Which is easier to say, 'Your sins or forgiven or Rise and walk?' I'm like, um, 'rise and walk!' As you know, I am very direct. If there is a direct, efficient way of doing things, LET'S DO THAT.

But Jesus is not so direct all the time, and He does things so we can better KNOW Him. (To which I say, much like my team did after our NET year, 'Great, Jesus. Others get to have fun, but we get to GROW'. Awesome.) My spiritual director even pointed out to me last time that 'Courage' has the root 'cour' which means having to do with 'heart'. Christ wants us to have heart. He wants us to know His love.

So today it finally struck me: I don't want the easy, direct way when it comes to love. I know we think we do, but how much more meaningful is it when we learn something, even when we are disciplined?

I think about a child who is crying and whining. If you just give the child a cookie to shut him/her up (which I may fall on the otherside of the spectrum- I just let the kid cry), is that really love? Or do you want it to just stop bugging you?

I think this is probably where Jesus and I are at. I'm crying, screaming, 'Gimme! Gimme!' and rather than just give me what I want so I'll go away or stop, He wants us to learn, to fall, to get back up, so that He can FORGIVE me and SHOW me that I am LOVED. Because we all know that when we fall, we come running back to Jesus. It's not that he wants us to fall, but it's like parents- they want their children to grow. Not just become a greedy, instant gratification seeking spoiled brat.

I was also reading Cardinal Van Thuan's Testimony of Hope (STILL. I KNOW. I'm a slow reader!) and he was talking about martyrs and how they do not put LIMITS on the LOVE of God. Our response to God should be limitless. Just as God continues to be patient with us and love us, so should our response be without any stipulation or price.

Anyways, those words were very freeing for me today. That God proves His love for us by NOT always giving us things instantly. He heals us not by instant gratification, but by forgiveness and growth and love. And we too should respond without limits or boundaries.

That's my vision, and I'm sticking to it. I'm keeping it old school Mariah right now, not this 'Obsessed' one-note stuff ;)

Peace,
Julia

1 comment:

The Swandas said...

GREAT reflection! My head knows it's true... it's convincing my heart that is difficult.