Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Clueless for Christ or 'That Was Way Harsh, Tai'
I remember FREAKING. OUT. when my sister said she'd TAPED OVER my copy of this movie back in high school. Thank God I now own it on DVD.
So this movie was like way totally awesome and I can still recite every line. I was thinking about it today after a series of events, which pretty much is a series of events that have been repeated more than once this year: girl applies for job, girl gets interview for job, girl gets told she would be perfect for job, girl doesn't get job.
WHAT?! Right. And friends try to console you as friends do, telling you God has another, better plan for you. But it's like Tai says in Clueless when Elton rejects her and Cher and Dionne try and console her saying, "You're too good for him, Tai".
Tai's response? "Well, if I'm too good for him, how come I'm not WITH him".
Touche, Tai. Touche.
That's how it's been in many arenas for me I feel this year, and I know I'm not alone. We console ourselves telling ourselves there is a better plan and a reason, and I do believe it. There just also comes a point where I ask myself, "okay, am I being delusional here? Am I in the complete wrong direction? Am I off base? You gotta help me out here, Lord, 'cause I am Clueless!"
I will say, in experiencing such events repeatedly, it does get a little easier. Or maybe as my friend (trying to console me ;) put it: 'God is doing some kind of work on your heart'. I think both are probably true. Psychologically, humanly, we build up a thick skin. It's important, though, not to let it [the tough skin] become a barrier for letting anything new in, though. That's always a challenge. But what my friend said actually did comfort me. God IS working on my heart. I have already seen the growth, much of which I've noted in this blog. It kind of goes with the COURAGE I was talking about last week. Heart. Courage. It takes courage to keep throwing ourselves back out there after being rejected again and again, but maybe that's what God wants us to do? Maybe?
Another thing I think I mentioned last post is that I'm reading through Matthew and I don't know if it's Matthew or what Jesus is just telling me right now or what, but I keep getting that phrase, "I desire mercy not sacrifice". WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, GOD? I know you don't want me to suffer, but how can I be merciful towards YOU, GOD? How can I show YOU, mercy?
The readings today helped me...just a little. The first reading today from 2 Maccabees was crazy courageous, but very much exemplified the 'Old Testament' view. Eleazar courageously refuses to eat pork and chooses being tortured to defilement in the eyes of the Law. This is very similar to the martyrdom that we still see today- offering up yourself for what one believes in. But as Jesus says in Matthew, He has made things new and it's not just about the Law now, but rather, Him. We can offer ourselves up for Him, but we cannot earn anything. He already has paid the price for us. And he desires this mercy not sacrifice thing and...I'm still confused.
The Gospel today, though, demonstrates the mercy aspect of Jesus' fulfillment of the 'new'. Jesus invites Zaccheaus, a tax collector, to come and follow Him. He offers Zaccheaus mercy. Zaccheaus probably does have to make some sacrifices for this new life- but God just wants him. So this makes me think, is the mercy on our part or Christ's? His mercy is probably gonna cover all of us right?
Have I talked myself into one big circle yet again? I think I am getting somewhere, but there is still very much a mystery element to it. I guess I'll stop forcing God to reveal Himself and let Him do His thing. In the meantime, there is one thing I know...
This summer I had the privelege of attending the Arlington Diocesan Workcamp and singing a little with Steve Angrisano. One of the songs we sang is on his new album and I totally recommend downloading on itunes at least this song:
'Falling Into You'
It's simple and prayerful. Very praise and worship-y. And I like the lyrics 'inescapable love' with 'unshakable confidence'. It's true! I can't escape God's love- though I've tried ;) And I keep coming back with 'unshakable confidence' thanks be to Him!
There is nowhere I go, there is no way place I know that I can run from your love
Knowing my hurt my shame, still you call out my name, so I'm falling into You
I'm falling into Your Inescapable Love with unshakable confidence
I'm falling into your indescribable Grace, Lord take all I am and make me new
'Cause I'm falling into You
Lord Consume Me, Lord Consume ME....
I will be seeing Steve and actually have many of my worlds collide very soon! I'm going to this conference this weekend for work, but I will see many youth ministry people, NET friends, AND the Daughters! I'm a little nervous for many of my worlds to collide, but I'm sure God will be very present. Prayers are appreciated. ALSO I'm coming up on the end of the novena next week!!! We end the day after Thanksgiving. Just in time for Advent....and more waiting.....think God is trying to tell us something??