100 Days of Happy

Back in the winter of this year, a friend contacted me about starting a project called: 100 Days of Happiness. The idea was to post one picture a day on social media of something, anything, that made us happy that day.

Being pretty into social media, I did not think that this would be difficult for me. But as noted previously in this blog, winter was rough this year. We had many snow days, even in March (we began on the project on March 1) and there were many days in the early Spring which consisted of me going to work, coming home, working out, cooking dinner, and watching Netflix.

So, sometimes, my days of happy looked like this:

 catching up with shows on Demand in my snuggie, checking off my to-do list, grabbing coffee with a friend, or fixing a nice dinner for myself.

But even those days ended up being still some of my favorite moments. The project forced me to look at the little things in my day that could bring about some moment of happiness.

The project began on March 1, like I said, and actually ended on my FAVORITE feast as you all know, Pentecost!!

 Happiness Day 1- March 1- haircut with Missi :)

Happiness Day 100- June 8- celebration of 100 happy days with my old roomie who started the idea for the project

I couldn't believe that the project ended on my very favorite feast day that has meant so much to me in the past. But then again, I could believe it, because God would do something like that :)

At our 100 day celebration, my friend and I reflected on how the project had indeed produced much positivity and happiness for us. Both of us had started the project feeling somewhat negative about our lives for whatever reasons, and ended the project having reaped many happy moments for which we were grateful.

For me, I know that our minds and our relationship with God work together. Faith and Reason. There is no denying that psychologically if we are in a good place, we are going to bring about positive things. You can call that energy or the universe or whatever, but I also believe being mentally and spiritually healthy keeps us more open to God's work in our lives.

So for that reason alone, I'm not surprised that my 100 days ended on the day when the Holy Spirit is given to us to help us to go out and do what we are called to do. I have always been energized and renewed by that mission of Pentecost, and this year's feast was another unique way of looking at that call.

Today also marks one month since Dan has passed into eternal life. Amid those 100 happy days, were days of some of the most intense sadness that I've experienced but also days of so much beauty.

I was recalling to my spiritual director yesterday that my friend Dan just embodied the theological virtues of Faith, Hope and Love soooooo well. And I struggle for whatever reason with them at times. My spiritual director noted that we all have these virtues given to us at Baptism and it is not a matter of receiving an increase of them, but rather a realization of their presence in our lives. Dan had an intense realization of these, especially in the last years of his life as he was suffering. And I am still just in awe that in such intense suffering that these virtues COULD be more realized by someone. That is the power and mystery of the Paschal Mystery: suffering producing beauty and good.

One of the things that can keep us from realizing these virtues fully in our lives is an inability to forgive or let go of grudges. This week's readings have been about an evil man named Ahab who through Elijah and God's grace finds the truth about God. And God forgives him.

The Gospel passage for today is particularly convicting and always has been for me:

"Jesus said to his disciples:
“You have heard that it was said,
You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
But I say to you, love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you,
that you may be children of your heavenly Father,
for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good,
and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?
Do not the tax collectors do the same?
And if you greet your brothers only,
what is unusual about that?
Do not the pagans do the same?
So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.”- Matt 5: 43-48

Not that I think that I have many enemies or so many people who are difficult to love, but I do like a challenge. And I am convicted that Christ says in not so many words that essentially loving people who are easy for you to love and who love you is kind of sub-par. Loving those who are difficult to love- that is the call and the challenge.

This message is good for me to hear as I have taken on a more administrative role at the school this semester :) I never realized that managing the students could be the easy part of my job!

I feel like I've only skimmed the surface of the importance of witnessing the life and loss of Dan, of the realization of the theological virtues, and of the intensity of these 100 days of happiness as it coincides with the call at Pentecost. Hopefully, I will have time to reflect this week as SUMMER BEGINS and perhaps I will also be moved to reflect more as I journey through some beautiful parts of the world on my Eastern European tour the next two weeks!! We are going to Budapest, Vienna, Salzburg, Munich, Berlin, Prague, and Krakow- a week from today!!!

Just some pics to get me geared up for the trip!

Man, I love summer. Happiness indeed. Last summer was a little rough as I was learning how to balance all my new-found free time in my own apartment outside of grad school. This summer is going to be well balanced: some awesome travel plans (and then some nannying to afford said awesome travel plans :)

Have a peaceful, blessed summer everyone. See you when I get back!! ;)
Peace,
Julia

Follow Love Always Part 2

It's been over 10 ten days since my friend, Dan Lyons, entered into eternal life. But I still have only just begun to process this.

These past 10 days have been filled, however, with friends, with heartfelt connections and condolences from so many people, and with LOVE.

 Friends gathered in PA after Dan's wake

Thoughtful gift from coworkers in honor of Dan

The quote on the prayer card for Dan (I still can't believe that he has one) sums up brilliantly who he is and his relationship with Christ. I can only hope to aspire to be like Dan, who strove so much to be like Christ that we compared him to Christ in more than one homily and eulogy. He was a true disciple.

The thing that made Dan so much like Christ was his love. It just radiated to everyone that he met. I know that after death we tend to glorify people, but the parallels between Dan and Christ's life truly were staggering: he suffered, died, and lives on through the legacy he left with the people he trained to share it.

Tomorrow is the feast of the Ascension, and as I mentioned in my last post, my friends and I have experienced in new ways what the apostles must have felt like in these days. Our example is gone and we are confused and sad, but we are motivated to spread the good news of his legacy.

As I said previously, Dan just personified and expressed love so well. I believe he did this because he always lived in the present moment. He had a way of planning for the future while still enjoying the present. He traveled, he accomplished goals, (though his brother pointed out in his eulogy that Dan never *actually* had a *real job* for nearly 10 years! :), and he planned a life with his amazing wife, Hanna. But in each moment he was presented, he enjoyed it and he loved.

The theme of the present moment has been a theme for me for more than a while now. It is now just clicking, as I finally stopped to reflect today, that LOVE in the present moment is our vocation. I've been searching forever for the meaning of my vocation and isn't the root of everyone's vocation, Love? And love is certainly best when in the present moment, because when else can you give it?

It makes me so sad that it has taken something like this to get a lot of us to wake up and love more deeply, more openly, more courageously, but that is what the Paschal Mystery was and is. Christ had to suffer and die so that we might understand God's immense love. My heart is bursting with sadness and love simultaneously, but love will win because it already has.

Dan, we love you and miss you. Thank you for what you have taught and continue to teach each of us about love. Intercede for me and for us that we might be better teachers of love.

I look forward to the day when we meet again and can sing karaoke with the Lord!!! We might have to pick a different song selection this time, though:

I hope you will all join me in praying the novena for the Holy Spirit as we approach Pentecost these next 10 days. May these next 10 days be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit and with love.

Peace,
Julia

Easter Alleluia Week 2- Follow Love Always

The Easter season has come in full force this year. As I've said, I love the Easter Season and the readings leading up to Pentecost. This year (our "Jesus year" interestingly enough) many of my friends and I find ourselves really living this liturgical season in a very real and intense way.

The Easter octave was full of family, friends, and travel, celebrating events and feasts with people I love. That has continued this past week, though it has definitely taken on a more thoughtful and reflective tone.

When I returned from my Spring Break travels on Divine Mercy Sunday, I received news that one of my close college friends' leukemia had returned for the third and "last" time. They are admitting him into hospice.

This is my friend Dan, whom I've mentioned on this blog various times since he was first diagnosed with ALL in 2009. You may have also read the blog that he and his wife Hanna have kept during their journey these 5 years:

Here's a pic from 2003 during our senior week at CUA

About 8 years later at our friends' 30th birthday in 2011:

And 3 years later- taken this weekend with some other CUA friends in Dan and his wife's apt.

This news has hit all of Dan's friends and family hard, but we have come together in the way that we know best- prayer.

The day following the news, my women's prayer group and I started a novena and also made plans to go to Adoration that week to pray for Dan. I also made plans to see and spend some time with him.

The two times that I was fortunate enough to spend with Dan this past week were truly blessed. I hadn't seen him since a fundraiser we had done in his honor a year or two prior as his health had been up and down since his bone marrow transplant in 2012. I wasn't sure what to expect, but he was in great spirits and we were able to make jokes and reminisce and tell each other that we love each other.

When at CUA, my friends and I attended weekly Praise and Worship Adoration which was held Wed nights in one of the chapels on campus. It had apparently been a dream of Dan's to have his wife Hanna experience this event. So my friends brought praise and worship Adoration to Dan and Hanna's apartment this Saturday:

My CUA friends came into town and we celebrated Mass in the apartment together...

 And also Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament:

Words cannot express what I experienced in that room on Saturday. Our friend (now Father) Dave gave an amazingly beautiful homily on the Road to Emmaus comparing Dan with Jesus and us with the disciples walking alongside of him asking him questions about where he was going and "couldn't he stay a while longer with us."

These readings during the Easter season reflect the beauty and the mystery of the Paschal Mystery. Jesus has suffered and overcome death. The apostles are delighted but also deeply confused. I can say that I gain more and more insight into what the apostles experienced in those days as I continue my own journey with Jesus.

In that "upper room" on Saturday, we came to better understand what the apostles must have felt. Their friend was telling them that he was going to leave them. They begged Him to stay because they did not understand. But they trusted with faith that He would continue to lead and watch over them. This is the Paschal Mystery that I teach to my students- we all must suffer and die, but we rise and ascend and it is because Christ did so that we have the consolation and the hope to do so as well.

There have been times in my life where I doubted or even regretted the way I spent much of my 20s- devoting hours in prayer and service to the Church. There have been moments where I questioned if I was "doing it wrong" since the rest of the world put priority on  partying, dating, money, and self-pursuits. This weekend, though, there was no question. I was SO glad for the foundation that my friends and I have been given and the choice we all made to devote ourselves and time to Christ and each other through prayer and service at a young age. In times of hardship like in this present time, we went immediately back to what we knew and what we did well- coming together in prayer.

I encouraged my students today at school to pursue their faith in some way in college. My experience this weekend was too powerful to not share and to not want that for young people today.

Dan and his wife left for PA today where he will do his hospice care. Please continue to pray for him, but as some of my friends have noted: we don't worry about Dan. He's going to be fine. It's the rest of us that we will need to worry about.

It was exactly like this with the apostles in the early Church after the Ascension (which that feast is coming up later this month). They were confused, afraid, but had the solace and the understanding of the teaching they were given by their Rabbi.

The first readings from Acts have been about the apostles enduring all kinds of suffering as they spread the Gospel message. In one of the passages, they are actually rejoicing because they are enduring suffering for Christ. I myself still struggle with this. But then I see someone like my friend Dan, taking on suffering and integrating it into who he is and his relationship with Christ so well. I see his wife being extremely generous and giving with her time to him and to each of their friends even though she herself is suffering. I see my friend who has lost two parents to cancer reaching out in ways that no one else can because she has been through this twice. So many apostles for Christ- rejoicing in the midst of suffering. I can't possibly complain or explain.

And the Gospel passages have been about the feeding of the 5,000. A reminder that when we doubt, when we are hungry, God provides for us in abundance. New life comes in new ways that we can't expect or imagine, even in suffering.

Today's Gospel is the follow up to last week's miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. Jesus addresses the fact that it isn't the SIGN or the miracles that satisfy, but the nourishment that the people received. That's what  keeps them coming back. I can attest to this fact. We have all been praying for signs, but what was the most special, the most important this weekend was the foundation. The relationship. The encounter with Christ and with each other. That spiritual nourishment and encounter is what truly satisfies, more than the surface level signs.

I am so grateful again for my friends, for our foundation in faith, and for the Paschal Hope in time of great pain and mystery.

I will end with this image and some last thoughts on my friend and this mystery of suffering, death, and resurrection. I saw many flowers on my walk/jog (mostly walk ;) today, but this one flower surrounded by unopened buds struck me. Sometimes we are the flower standing alone, waiting for something or someone to join us. Sometimes, we are the buds looking on at a flower that has already bloomed in great admiration. My friend Dan is the flower at this time. We are all looking to him because he has achieved so much in such a short time. We are in awe and inspired.

At the encouraging of some friends that were staying with me this weekend in my apt, I posted a note Dan had written to me on our Senior retreat. In it, he said to me: "Follow love always. It is worth fighting for."

I want to follow love always in whatever forms it presents itself. I want to fight like my friend has fought. He has reminded me what the Lord has already shown me- shown us- Love *is* worth fighting for.

Peace,
Julia

The Easter Alleluia and Divine Mercy Sunday 2014

After a long winter, Spring is finally here and also Easter! The Octave of Easter is always celebratory for me (because it is also my Spring Break ;), but this year it was celebratory in many different ways.

I haven't gone home to Ohio for Easter since 2010:

I think Easter was in March that year, but it was warm enough to sit outside and have a beer by the Lake!

And it is Easter year round in Lorain, OH with the infamous Easter Basket at Lakeview Park

This year, it was also warm (finally!) and I again got to spend time with family. Though, this year there were some new additions:

Me and my new niece, Natalie (the sun was in her eyes ;)

 My cousin's new little one, Jillian (wearing her Easter Monday Dyngus Day outfit!)

 And this guy who also wasn't in the picture 4 years ago but is going to be 4 this fall! My nephew, Lucas:

So the theme of my Easter Octave this year was family (but also- babies! So many!)

One of the other celebratory things that I got to do this Easter Octave was experience Dyngus Day in Cleveland with some of my other Polish relatives. If you are not aware of what Dyngus Day is, you can read about it here (and I suggest that you do! :).

I also got to celebrate my 33rd birthday. Year 33 is supposedly the "Jesus Year". The year that Jesus completed His mission on earth (until He comes again). He performed the mystery that we just celebrated- the Paschal Mystery. He suffered, died, rose, and ascended into heaven.

You may recall that I turned 30 (the year that Jesus begins his ministry in Scripture ) 3 years ago in 2011 on what turned out to be Good Friday that year. This year, my 33rd fell during the Easter Octave. I just find this so appropriate. Ever since my first communion (My 8th birthday ;) my birthdays have kind of synced up with themes in my life with Christ. I hope that this means that this year- my Jesus year- that some of my mission and mystery will also be revealed come to fulfillment!

Speaking of mission...Today is Divine Mercy Sunday which is always such a powerful, special day in the Church. SAINT Pope John Paul II ( I get to say that now!) instituted this day based on the visions and instructions given to another fellow Polish saint of his- St. Faustina. The Holy Father then died around Divine Mercy Sunday in 2005 ( I was in Europe on that day in '05 and will be in Europe again this summer, the year of his canonization! What a blessing!). Today, on Divine Mercy Sunday 2014, he is canonized a SAINT along with another really holy pope, SAINT John XXIII!

I was obviously not alive during St. John XXIII's papacy, but I have grown to respect him since my studies for my Masters. It was he that really began Vatican II and then passed it on to Paul VI (another fav pope of mine, but also before my time). I read the Vatican II documents during my studies and they have forever changed the direction of the Church and also inspired so many- including St. John Paul II- with the idea of the "New Evangelization" of our Catholic Church.

It was really cool because on this day- the canonization of Sts John XXIII and John Paul II- I got to hear the former Dean of Catholic U's Theology School give the homily at the parish I went to Mass at today. It was such a nice and perfect surprise! He spoke about the popes and their influence on the Church and evangelization and it was fitting that the message was delivered by someone who ran the school from which I learned about these popes and much of their work that allows *me* to my own work on evangelization.

Monsignor Irwin (the aforementioned former Dean) used today's Gospel which is the story about doubting Thomas to really hammer home this idea of evangelization. Msgr began by talking about 21st century methods of evangelization and how we perhaps need to move away from books in some cases and go towards something like TED talks as a method of evangelization since the young are not so much connected to texts as they are texting. He reminded us that in the early Church images like stained glass and statues (eek! :) and icons were used to demonstrate the teachings of the Church.

He mentioned a Church in New York- St Thomas Episcopal Church- that apparently has 4 images of Thomas and the stages he went through in today's Gospel story (I tried to find these images to no avail. if you are familiar with them or find them, let me know, as I'm very interested in these now!): Doubt, Despair, Confession, and Mission.

Doubt: Thomas is known for doubting the message that Jesus was indeed resurrected. Each of us obviously experience doubt throughout our lives and stages of faith. Msgr used a Tennyson quote that I really liked when speaking about this: "There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds." Doubt that seeks understanding is good. It is when we stop search altogether and just become indifferent is what is dangerous.

Despair: Thomas was no doubt (heh. get it?) despairing at this time when his friends were talking about Christ's resurrection. His last real encounter with Jesus was watching his friend and teacher suffer trial and death. Perhaps his despair clouded the truth for him. I know that despair certainly does this for us.

Confession: Thomas finally sees the risen Christ and confesses not only of his doubt, but also professes that he does now, indeed, believe. This confession then moves to his mission, which confession should also do for us. Once we recognize the truth, we confess to it and move on so as not to let anything hold us back.

Mission: Thomas went out and proclaimed the message of the Gospel supposedly to India. We are to go out and profess what we have witnessed and "seen" in our own personal encounters with Christ.

Thomas confessing and seeing the risen Christ after his doubting

Our two newest saints now among the ranks of St. Thomas! So cool!

I just love it. All of it. I love Easter and I love when everything coincides and just seems to fit together to make sense.

After the confusion and darkness of winter and Lent, we get the joy and clarity of Spring and Easter! Alleluia!

And I can't WAIT to go to Krakow this summer (oh, yeah, didn't I mention I'm going to Eastern Europe this summer!!!!) and see how my people (the Poles ;) are going to honor their new holy saint!

Sts. Thomas, John XXIII, and John Paul II, pray for us!! Happy Easter!

Peace,
Julia

The Resurrection and the Life

This Sunday's Gospel for the 5th Sunday of Lent is one that has had a lot of meaning for me throughout the years. When I was first really delving into my relationship with God in my late teens, early 20s, this Scripture was a message to me of God's personal love for me. And those moments of real, true personal love and relationship are so crucial when forming a relationship with anyone, but especially God.

This past Sunday's Gosepl was John 11:1-45 or the raising of Lazarus. As I mentioned, when I was first getting to know God and myself, I focused mainly on the emotion expressed by Jesus in this passage. This gospel contains one of the shortests phrases in Scripture: "and Jesus wept." It should come as no surprise that as a teen or woman in my early 20s that Christ's display of emotion was the focus for me because that seems to be what women in our teens and early 20s DO: we emote. I heard a homily on this passage at age 20 or 21 in which the priest encouraged us to imagine Christ weeping for us like he did Lazarus because he loves us just as much as his friend. Again, for an early 20 something, this emotional connection helped make Christ much more real to me. I liked the idea of Jesus having human emotions because that made God more tangible in my eyes. And the idea that He cared for me the same way as he did a close friend that He personally knew while on earth, well, that idea also kind of blew my mind at the time.

A few years later as I was struggling in the convent, the idea of "coming out of the tomb" like Lazarus struck me. I felt like I had been "buried" and needed to come back to  life. Even the sister that was my formator agreed that a vocation wasn't meant to feel like I had died, but rather, a vocation was supposed to bring us to life! I contemplated that as I contemplated this gospel once again. I didn't like who I was at that place and time. I thought I had a "stench" to take an image straight from the Gospel (Martha is afraid to roll the stone away like Jesus asks because she knows her brother has been dead for four days and this is the desert, right?) The stench of death was something that she feared and was going to keep her from allowing Jesus to do His miracle. I, too, was afraid of what might happen if I came back out of the convent, back to "life", but ultimately, I trusted God just as I had when I went in the convent, and I have definitely been given new life.

So much so that when I hear this gospel today, I just get excited about the Resurrection. Easter is almost here! And this miracle clearly foreshadows the amazing thing that Christ will do Himself in just another week or two. All of the readings this Lent have been so great. As the priest who gave the homily at Mass today said, we have gotten to journey with Christ and be taught in different "classrooms." Lent began with the "classroom" of the desert where He was tempted for 40 days. Then we were taken to the "classroom" of Mt. Tabor and got to see our Lord transfigured. Then we heard of the woman at the well and the cleansing of the blind man- two stories of purification and cleansing. And now, the week before Holy Week, we close out Lent with this very special Gospel of Resurrection and new life.

What struck me today is the transformation of Martha. I've always been able to relate to Martha, particularly the story for which she is most well known: she works, while her sister sits at Christ's feet. Today, though, Christ encounters Martha while Mary stays home. She gets to have the special encounter with Christ. Which shows me that Martha has learned something. She has changed her priorities. She has changed her ways.

When Christ asks her: "Do you believe this? [that her brother will rise]" She answers by showing her true conversion: "Yes, Lord, I have come to believe that You are the Christ." I have come to believe. This phrase shows her progress, the time she has put in getting to know the Lord and letting Him work in her life. She has come to believe. But it has been a process.

The concept of time in this story also struck me as important today. The priest at Mass today also pointed out that he often questioned, as we perhaps have, "why does Jesus remain for two days when he hears his friend is sick?" Why not go right away to see Lazarus? Jesus addresses this later before he raises Lazarus and says: "Father, I thank you for hearing me. I know you always hear me, but because of the crowd I have said this." He had to wait for two days so that this miracle would be even bigger. Bigger than just healing a sick person as he had done before. He waits so that He can bring the dead back to life and have an even bigger miracle so that we might see and believe.

These two messages of Martha's transformation and the necessity of Jesus' waiting hit home to me today and it is amazing that one Gospel passage can come to life (no pun intended ;) in so many different ways at the very right times for me. I can identify with Martha's progress. I have also come to know and to believe in Jesus since 10 years ago, 5 years ago...but those moments helped in my transformation. Also, I love the message that Jesus waits, which doesn't make sense, but allows an even bigger miracle to happen so that we might believe.

I am praying and trusting in the waiting. I often ask Jesus: "why are You waiting? Had you only come sooner, this that or the other may have happened!" But today I realized it is so that myself and others may see the good work He does and will do because of the waiting.

Lord, I have come to know and believe that You are the Resurrection and the Life. I can't wait until Easter!

Hope you all have a blessed 5th week of Lent as we prepare for the Holiest of Weeks!

Peace,
Julia

Faith, the Holy Spirit, and the Absurd

Don't look now, guys, but Laetare Sunday is this weekend! WHAT. I know, right? That means we are almost through with Lent! Pretty hard to believe...this Lent has gone by fast! Ha. Fast. Get it? Um, wow...yeah. Anyways...

So it's time to do a check in with ourselves and our Lenten promises. This year I gave up Facebook and alcohol. I'm almost surprised by how little I miss both of them (though I did sign on FB for the Solemnity of St Joseph and the Feast of the Annunciation. I was accused of being "that Catholic" which I think was meant to insinuate that I was "using" the feast days, but that was not the case at all! I was genuinely psyched about each feast and wanted to acknowledge them throughout the respective days. Oh, okay, and I suppose also wanted to share a few statuses and pictures ;)

 March 25: Feast of the Annunciation and 9 more months 'til Christmas! Gah!

March 19: the great Foster Father of Jesus, St. Joseph. I started a month long novena to him on his feast which should end around Easter! Pumped!

I also committed to making "acts of faith" each day this Lent ie- moments and situations that I stop and offer up to God. This was inspired by the Therese book my prayer group was reading (mentioned in my previous posts). My spiritual director did question how I was going to keep track of this or gauge how I was doing with the commitment, so we decided I should also try to make an examen each night to think of the moments in which I did or did not hand over as an act of faith to God. I'm mostly conscious of this commitment, but I think Laetare Sunday is going to have to be a reminder to kick it into gear before Holy Week.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I love when the unit that I teach on Exodus falls during Lent. The story of Exodus is such a good parallel and reminder of the Paschal Mystery (and coincidentally the other course I teach :). Today we were discussing the Exodus itself- Pharaoh finally releasing the people and then changing his mind to come after the Israelites. The Israelites were so overjoyed and amazed at the salvation of the Passover and finally being released from slavery (or bondage as the Charlton Heston classic "The 10 Commandments" uses repeatedly and for some reason the way they say it makes me giggle). But then they immediately begin to distrust when they've been in the desert for a while and the Pharaoh comes after them. My students and I today were talking particularly about the trust it must have took to cross the Red Sea- not knowing if at any minute the water would cease to be parted and crush them or if the Egyptians would reach them.

I am always struck and humbled by how we are like the Israelites- on board with God when things are going well, but then quick to turn on Him when things don't go our way. In my Paschal Mystery course, we talk about what it means to be "poor in spirit" and the textbook defines it as "poverty of heart" or "recognizing our great need for God."

These stories of Exodus and moments or acts of faith in our lives constantly show our "great need for God." The Passover and the Paschal Mystery (suffering, death, Resurrection and Ascension) are such amazing stories of salvation. I am particularly struck today for our need of salvation and in gratitude for the beautiful mercy and salvation God provides.

In finishing up our Therese book for women's group, I found this quote which I brought to prayer and our group this week: "Another attitude that purifies our heart thoroughly is gratitude. That is because it prevents us from getting tangled up in discouragement, sadness, withdrawal into ourselves, bitterness, dissatisfaction, discontent, etc.” Philippe, pg 112

I remember going to Confession once and my penance being to be grateful and make prayers of gratitude because all of my sins had been so selfish. We do withdraw into ourselves when we focus on what we are lacking rather what we have, and so gratitude can save us from ourselves.

I am particularly grateful for the stories and gift of Salvation mentioned in the salvific stories of our faith above. And I'm so grateful for my friends. My friends pull me out of myself and as I was looking around my women's group this week I was noting...they are all so NICE! All of my friends- in my prayer group or not- are all so giving and generous and I wonder sometimes what they possibly see in me, but they must see something! Or that just goes to show how nice they really are!

I got to spend a day in VA beach recently with a friend from high school who is seriously the nicest person on the planet. She just constantly giggles and smiles and loves. I have no idea how we became such good friends, but I'm grateful that she appreciates my sass and sarcasm and we balance each other out!

In addition to gratitude, my spiritual director in our last meeting reminded me again to call upon the Holy Spirit in this time of Lent. We don't often think about the Spirit until after Easter (50 days to be exact!) but it makes sense to call upon the Holy Spirit in times of doubt- in times where we need to make an act of faith.

Jesus gave the apostles the Holy Spirit in a time of great uncertainty for them. He had just ascended into heaven - aka left them to fend for themselves after three years of ministry- and the Holy Spirit was their gift and guide to help them. We, too, should call on the Holy Spirit in our times of doubt and uncertainty- that is what it is there for!

The Holy Spirit has certainly been there for me in some of my more confusing times. Pentecost is a special feast for me. And I've recently realized something else that has been there for me in times of uncertainty and this is much more....abstract (omg, I am SO SORRY for the puns this post!!!)

Art!

Specifically abstract art, I guess! I told you all I had signed up for an art class to keep myself sane this winter. Well, I've found it really helpful and necessary in my life right now for whatever reason, and I realized this is not the first time that the absurd in art has actually given me assurance. Remember The Special Place in St. Louis? One of my co-postulants at the time and I would go there and just encounter the absurd abstract art hanging out in the woods at that park close to the convent. I suppose the uncertainty of the time in my life and uncertainty of the art together made sense!

I believe I'm at another crossroads in my life right now that is uncertain and so art has once again proven itself a means of clarity and catharsis. I'm grateful for the opportunity to take these classes and for the support of my teacher and friends who don't think I'm crazy :)

I've been struggling my whole life with control- I think a lot of people do. Writing and art and music, well the arts in general, allow us to let go and be vulnerable in a safe, therapeutic way and I'm grateful for these gifts!

So that's my check in: Acts of Faith, Gratitude, the Holy Spirit, and my absurd art :) I will be carrying these things with me as I journey towards Easter. I hope and pray that you are also having a blessed Lent!

Oh, and I went on a hike in Northern VA the other day (when it wasn't actually 20 degrees) and the usually lush landscape of the VA hills looked like this:

That is seriously a picture I took the other day. VA or desert wasteland?! You decide. I suppose it is Lent appropriate...I just can't wait for Spring!

Peace,
Julia

The Goal of Faith aka Do Not Be Discouraged aka Lent 2014

It is almost here! Lent 2014. I can't define how I feel about it. I really want to enter into Lent this year, and I'm looking forward to the opportunity it presents. but I wouldn't say I'm pumped about it...one is never really *pumped* about 40+ days of repentance and sacrifice are they?

For some reason, rocks always say "Lent" to me. Perhaps because the devil tempts Jesus to turn them into bread in the Scripture reading we always begin the Lenten season with. (Matthew 4:1-11. A good Lenten meditation could be: what are the "rocks" in our lives that we are tempted to trade in and just get rid of quickly rather than wait and embrace to see what they reveal? Oooo...that's a good one for me right now in my life!)

When I went to search for "rock" images, this picture above entitled "Colorful Rocks" popped up. Hmmm..are they really all that colorful?!? Apparently, whomever posted this pic is much more of an optimist than I. And that's what this blogpost is about!

The devil is a sneaky, sneaky terrible evil, evil thing. I really can't emphasize sneaky and terribly evil enough. I have been talking to my friends about depression which is something that many of us (myself included) have struggled with at some point in our lives. Depression is a thing that I am convinced is of the devil. He takes our lives and makes us think that they are worthless or pointless and he does this at the most inopportune moments of our lives- often when there is no reason for us to feel depressed or when things are actually really JUST FINE. (The author of Hyperbole and a Half writes a really hilariously accurate depiction of depression in her blog. Warning: there is some "language" but if you have ever experienced depression, these posts can be comic relief. Here is post 1 and her later post 2).

I have been reading this book with my women's prayer group and continue to find great lights in it, even though I have read many of Fr. Philippe's books and books about St. Therese before. Today, paired with the readings of the day, I found a great insight about Trust vs Discouragement.

The author asserts that the root of our discouragement is when we put trust in ourselves, rather than in God. This was, for whatever reason, I real revelation for me this morning even though I'm sure I've realized it before. Similarly, the first reading from Peter's letter also challenged me in regards to the genuineness of our faith:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...

In this you rejoice, although now for a little while
you may have to suffer through various trials,
so that the genuineness of your faith,
more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire,
may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Although you have not seen him you love him;
even though you do not see him now yet you believe in him,
you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy,
as you attain the goal of faith, the salvation of your souls." - 1 Peter 1:3-9

How often do we think of our trials as proof of the glory and honor of the revelation of Jesus?! And the "goal of our faith" as the salvation of our souls?

As Lent approaches, there is a temptation (once again- stupid devil!!) to use Lent as a time of "self improvement" instead of what the readings tell us today: to honor the revelation of Jesus Christ. We will only be discouraged, as Father Philippe notes, if we try to put trust in ourselves this Lent, rather than on Christ. 

The root of Adam and Eve's and now our Original Sin is that they focused on themselves instead of trusting God. And that sin has been haunting and plaguing us ever since. Fr. Philippe brings up another prominent hindrance for us in our effort to trust God: shame. As I mentioned already, the devil loooovvvessss to use this on us, like he did Adam and Eve (remember the whole clothing themselves and being embarrassed of their bodies suddenly??) 

Our tendency to become discouraged and ashamed keeps us from not only trusting God but from attaining the "goal of our faith" which is purity of heart and true love of God. Not only do we get discouraged but then we want to run and hide ourselves rather than just confidently approaching God and saying we are sorry! GAH! I really, really hate this guy and the havoc we allow him to cause:

So this Lent, I'm going to try to not be discouraged and focus less on myself and more on God (which is no revelation, but more just the purpose of Lent anyways); to honor HIS sacrifice and not think about ours. 

I'm doing the what has become somewhat common place thing now of giving up Facebook, but mainly because this is a major source of discouragement for me lately.

I am, however, keeping up a commitment I made with a friend to "100 days of Happy" where we post one pic for a 100 days of things that make us happy in order to deter these tendencies of discouragement with gratitude. I will be posting these on Instagram, which may seem like I'm substituting one social network for another, but I think both commitments will be good for me....ah! I mean...for the glory of God!!! See? It just sneaks up on us!

What I'd REALLY like to give up this Lent, however, is this terrible snow and winter, but do not be discouraged, right?? Spring is coming :)

Blessed Lent!

Peace,

Julia