Selling the Drama Part 2

In thinking about Palm Sunday and its liturgy, I really had a lot of the same thoughts as I had last year. I love the role playing. I love the traditions. I love the drama and the stories. I just wish we could be that passionate about the Passion everytime we go to Mass since we do, essentially, always remember the same thing- the Paschal Mystery- Christ's Death, Resurrection, and Ascension. But I said that already last year :)

I got to go to a Seder meal this weekend which was cool for many reasons: 1.) it was celebrated with some of my favorite people! 2.) I teach Old Testament and actually taught about Passover and the practices of the Seder with my students. 3.) You might also remember last year how obsessed I was about how our rituals are based on Jewish traditions.

The Passover Seder does have much in common with our Holy Week liturgies. Almost all of the things I mentioned above: the stories, the drama, the role playing, traditions ("Tradition!" even ;) And there's just something beautiful about remembering our history and our salvation; the fact that we are free in many ways because of our forefathers and because of Christ. (AND I found the 'Afikomen' at the supper and won a PRIZE. Passover rules. Easter bunny, eat your heart out. )

The Seder supper and Palm Sunday liturgy are reflective of my life in many ways right now. There's so much going on in them that I don't know what to focus on! That's kind of how I feel about this week. It's all GOOD stuff- last week of classes before break, last grad class of the semester, my birthday, the Triduum, preparing for vacation! Phew! But it's a lot!

So Sunday at Mass, while I was able to enter into the Passion play and the readings, I didn't know which part of the readings really stood out to me the most. I don't know what I'm supposed to be reflecting on STILL as I enter into this last week of Lent and this last week of my 20s.

I guess if I could pick something to reflect on from today's readings that struck me was that Jesus did everything to fulfill prophecy. He really explains everything to them and to us. For example:

Then Jesus said to them, “This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken, for it is written:I will strike the shepherd,and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed; but after I have been raised up, I shall go before you to Galilee.” (Matt. 26)

And Exhibit B:

At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to seize me? Day after day I sat teaching in the temple area, yet you did not arrest me. But all this has come to pass that the writings of the prophets may be fulfilled

And even regarding poor Judas (who is the subject of a new Lady Gaga song, btw, but that's another blog for another time):

That is why that field even today is called the Field of Blood.Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiahthe prophet,And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the value of a man with a price on his head, a price set by some of the Israelites, and they paid it out for the potter’s field just as the Lord had commanded me.

It's amazing how many prophecies the Lord fulfills and yet the people (and ourselves) still don't believe or trust him.

So perhaps that is something I can take with me as I go into Holy Week and the Triduum. Our salvation history is good, though it has it's ups and downs. God proves over and over throughout it how He provides and takes care of us, despite us getting off track.

And Jesus fulfills so many prophecies. Perhaps in my 30s some prophecies and promises will be fulfilled :) Though he has so clearly provided and kept promises throughout my 20s too. I don't even know right now what the future could hold. Maybe prophecies will be revealed!

The possibilities are endless. So, ready or not- here comes the drama of Holy Week and I say goodbye to the drama of my 20s!

That is one promise/prophecy I know will be fulfilled :) PS- When I looked for pics/fun things regarding 'drama' urban dictionary's definition is this:

"Something women and especialy teenage girls thrive on. consisting of any number of situations that have an easy solution, wich would bring a fairly good outcome, but these girls choose another, sh***, bad way to deal with it, again consisting of backstabbing, blackmailing/gossiping/betraying their friends, or the all-too-common "I want to break up with him but i still love him!" it drives men and what i like to call "normal" girls nuts."

Haha...oh.

Good-bye 20s! Hello Holy Week and 3-0!

Peace,

Julia

Oh, and I HAD to share this pic perfect for the 5th Sunday of Lent! I love it! Thanks, S! ;) Oh, the holy humor...HA!

OH, HEY THERE, 5th Week of Lent!

Just as I've finally been able to catch up with myself and feel all things are right in the world again, Lent is winding down! 2 more weeks 'til the big 3-0 and EASTER. The most important being Easter, of course :) Though I did find a cute party dress for the bday celebration!

The readings today were very Easter-y all focused on the Resurrection and stuff. The first reading from Ezekiel had me at: "I will open your graves and make you rise from them." Oh, I see. Easter is almost here. Thanks for the reminder! I will make these last 2 weeks COUNT.

I'm also making April count as we talked about last week. I just got back from a weekend in the mountains with some of my favesies to celebrate my friend E who just turned 30. We did as we usually do- we detoxed (spa) then we re-toxed with beer, wine, and the like. It was a fabulous weekend!

Above: Girls making margaritas at our mountain hideaway and Veritas Vineyard. Fun fact: Veritas means 'truth'. I believe this is a fitting name for a winery. Why? Because I love wine. Truth. See what I did there?

Weekends like this weekend bring me back to life in many respects. One- the massage I had at the spa was AH-mazing! Fact: I want my feet rubbed with hot stones ALL of the time. Two- being with friends away from the hustle and bustle makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The alcohol also helps.

So it is fitting that the readings are switching gears towards the Resurrection as we begin to transition to spring FINALLY and the new life that comes with Easter (and Spring Break!)

The Gospel reading today was one of my ultimate faves: the raising of Lazarus. I write and speak about this Gospel passage ALL of the time I'm pretty sure. I had heard it preached on back in college and it kind of changed my life. Or at least the way I looked at myself.

The shortest verse (I believe) in the Bible (0r at least the New Testament) can be found in this story of the raising of Lazarus: "And Jesus wept" (John 11:35). This was also the verse that I held near and dear to my heart for so long because of what the priest had said about it in college. Jesus wept for his dear friend Lazarus showing how much he truly loved him. The priest pointed out that Jesus would do the same for each one of us and for some reason that moved me. Knowing that Jesus loved me and would be so moved if something happened to me as he was for someone he walked and talked and spent time with like Lazarus made me grow in the self-love that I was lacking at the time.

This Gospel has come to mean more to me, however, in recent years. I've paid more attention to Mary and Martha and their reaction to Christ in this story. Christ and Martha have a very interesting and important exchange in which He tells her He IS the "resurrection and the life." He himself hasn't been resurrected yet, though, so Martha can't possibly yet know what this means, but she believes. I've also been taken in the past by Lazarus himself- the stench and all- that he truly had a second shot at life and how amazing this must've been for him and his family.

Today I was struck, though, by what Thomas says. Jesus says he wants to go back to Bethany- where he is wanted and has had his life threatened- because Lazarus is ill. The disciples think he is crazy to go back to a dangerous place where they just came from. Thomas, however, says something to the effect of: "let us go to die with him." Wanting to put his life on the line with Christ and for Christ. However, we know Thomas is the one who doubts the Resurrection.

So Thomas is willing to die with Christ, but not rise? Why is the resurrection the part, for all of us it seems, that is more difficult to believe? We know death is real. Suffering is real. We have experienced it. The joy that comes after, though, is sometimes hard to see or believe when we are in the midst of the suffering (as Thomas was, since he had just seen Jesus suffer and die when he had heard of the news of the Resurrection).

Well, even though I perhaps haven't taken advantage of the redemptive suffering and discipline of Lent as I should've this year, I am ready to focus on the rising :) Seeing certainly is believing- but may we have the faith that Thomas lacked even without seeing just yet.

And may we allow ourselves to rise which also seems to be difficult. We try to keep ourselves and others down. When Jesus tells Lazarus to "come out" of the cave, the dead man walks and lives! If Christ can make the dead man walk again, certainly, he can help us out of whatever is keeping us from truly living.

ONE WEEK 'TIL HOLY WEEK! OMG! Make it count! And live! ;)

Peace,

Julia

Eye on the Prize: April Rools. (Heh.)

Lent Week 3 came and went and without much resolve in my Lenten promises, unfortunately. I'm still working on 'em, but I haven't been as valiant this Lent as I had hoped. I blame part of the reason on the added temptations associated with the FREAKING LONG distance between now and SPRING BREAK. Humph. A late Easter= late Spring Break at school, and both kids and teachers are starting to go out of their minds. Where Jan and Feb brought at least a couple snow days and some long holiday weekends, March brought none of the above. AND we still have 3 more weeks 'til any reprieve! Ahh!!!

I couldn't find any clever comics or non-obscene pics regarding 'Spring Break', so I thought I'd use this pic of my friend Christine's chair from our FL trip last year. No doubt there is a margarita in a solo cup somewhere behind that towel. Or maybe just in my hand, perhaps. Definitely in my hand, actually.

And so the devil seems to have more time to work on me between now and that week of Easter bliss. The monotony of week after week is certainly is grating on me. That's why I was SO grateful to have a little break and go to visit friends in Richmond last weekend. AND I'm super stoked because this coming weekend I'm going on another VA resort getaway! Huzzah!

Then my cousins will be in town, then it's Birthday/Triduum time, and THEN Alleluia! He is RISEN (AND I GET SPRING BREAK. In Florida. Praise the good Lord!)

I probably should've taken advantage of the time I had in March to reflect as April is going to speed up significantly. But hindsight is 20/20, eh? All I can do is forge ahead and continue to renew my resolutions 'til the end.

Spring does seem to be taking forever to come our way after another long winter, but we know the promise of new life when it does finally come is going to be great. We have to trust in that hope of renewal- that it WILL come! (Like right about now when we are going out of our minds waiting )

I mean...Imma be the Big 30 soon! I don't think I've totally grappled with it, though I surrendered to it a long time ago. Last night, I was with some friends who were in town and we realized I was only 1 of 2 of us out of about 10 in the room still in his/her 20s. I had forgotten that I even still was! Is that sad? I mean, LIVE IN THE NOW, right?

Thanks, Garth, for the sobering advice.

I guess I have been preparing myself so the change won't come as a blow, but at the same time I also need to focus on the present and enjoy what it means to be where I'm at.

Okay, back to Lent. Today's readings had kind of a 'healing' theme to them. The anointing of David- an unlikely king, Psalm 23, St. Paul's call for us to 'Arise', and the healing of the Blind Man.

The theme of healing has been huge for me lately as I have had some pretty specific things happen to teens in one particular class I am teaching this year. I remember how much junior year in high school sucked. There is so much pressure academically, socially, and your body is telling you stupid things. I have always known this class was hurting, but sometimes let their negative attitudes get the best of me. I wasn't being totally conscious of their suffering. Usually when someone is nasty to you, it's not you- it's them. I've known that with these teens, but instead of chalking their sour attitudes to teen angst, I'm really trying to be conscious of what type of healing they are each in need of.

Appropriately, we are starting the chapter of the Anointing of the Sick. Last semester I kind of breezed through this chapter. But this time, I'm really looking forward to using these lessons to open the kids up to Christ's healing power for their lives.

Only HE can touch and heal us. But the good news is, all we need is that touch. His touch is so powerful in the Gospel. I imagine the clay on my own eyes, my own skin. I probably wouldn't have believed, sadly, that when the clay washed off, I would see. But the blind man had faith. He probably was so excited for the possibilities.

I, too, am excited about the possibilities for the school year, for 30, etc. It's important we don't let fear hold back that excitement.

Christ, only say the word and I shall be healed. And may those words involve Spring and Break :) jk. A couple more weeks 'til Easter! Let's do this!! Peace, Julia

Lenten Check In- Week 2- Not Being a Slave to Sin

Sooo...not surprisingly, perhaps....Week 2 isn't going QUITE as planned.

We had a couple feast days in there (hey, St. Patrick. 'sup, St. Joseph) and I used to be VERY disciplined back in the day and totally not buy into the whole 'Feast Day'/'Sunday' excuse for indulging in the things we have given up for Lent. Unfortunately, for some reason with age, I have become lax in this discipline. And so for like 3 days this past week I wasn't too concerned with keeping my Lenten promises. Sigh.You HAD to be the patron of people who like their drink, didn't you, St. Patrick? I'm not a bit Irish, but I do like an excuse to drink Guinness.

The students are prepping to go to Confession tomorrow and so I was going over the Examination of Conscience with them (which is always a super fun lesson for me. Things inevitably get SO awkward around Commandment #6...especially with freshmen. FUN.)

Amid the jokes and the ridiculous "What If" questions that teeangers LOVE to ask about every possible sin they can think of to entertain their classmates:

(ie- "but what if someone killed like 40 people and then they went and confessed it but they knew they were going to kill more...THEN could the priest break the seal of confession?" You think I'm kidding...)

One of the freshmen girls today raised her hand and said very honestly and vulnerably: "sometimes when I come out of Confession, I am immediately tempted to do the thing I just confessed."

God bless her honest, little soul. How true it is! I immediately commended her for her observation and told the class, "think about it: you are a SAINT once you've said your penance. You've done the right thing! And the devil hates that! He's going to do everything he can to make you want to sin again."

Her comment made me reflect on how I had just gone to confession, was all clean and such, and then let the "off days" of Lent get the best of me.

St. Joseph's Feast day was supposed to be a joyous day for me as I ended my novena. And it was- I got to witness two very holy people get married. A wedding on the feast of St. Joseph! Can't really beat that!

But perhaps I wasn't as focused on Lent and my Lenten promises as I should've been. You know with weddings comes a lot of people you haven't seen in a while and with that (for me) can be the breeding ground for gossip.

So I didn't win round one of Lent as I had wanted (as if it were a competition. I don't know who the round went to if it wasn't me, actually...St. Patrick, perhaps...). Week 2, however, has started convicting me again, it seems. Again, only MONDAY. We'll see if we can get back on track.

I did take some extra time for prayer, however, this weekend and finally finished the part on St. Teresa of Avila in "The Four Teresas" which I had been reading. This passage really convicted me and kind of ties into last week's reflection:

"Thinking of the love Jesus has shown us on the cross helps us to love him in return...If we want to experience a similar conversion in our lives, we can follow her [St Teresa's] advice to always fix our eyes on our crucified Savior. When we do, keeping the commandments becomes easier and easier...."

Truth! Like I said last week- nobody's surprised that when we pray the Stations of the Cross, it's much easier to surrender and give our best to Jesus. HOWEVER, the opposite is also true:

"On the other hand, when we are not seeking a loving relationship with God, we want to be 'free' to act selfishly. Rooting out that selfishness is a necessary first step to loving God."

I know I am seeking a loving relationship with God, but I am also seeking to be selfish at times.

We have these twisted ideas about freedom. Yes- freedom is GOOD. But what we think freedom really looks like can be messed up. I also know I've written about this before, so just bear (or bare? bear. I never get that right) with me.

We think freedom means being able to do whatever we want. And as a single person this temptation, I can tell you, is totally there. But as I found with the whole 'feast day fiasco' sometimes doing whatever we want can really tie us down.

I know I would struggle if some of my freedoms were taken away (convent, anyone? ;) but there is something to be said for the discipline of routine and being accountable to others to an extent. Dependency (versus independence-y?), too, can tie us down. So we just have to be CAREFUL, I guess, no matter our state in life and our gifts, to not let anything (SIN) or anyone limit us.

Last time at women's group, I was reading a passage from True Devotion to Mary that touched upon this topic of slavery. Enslaving people is bad. And so we have this negative connotation of it. But to be a "slave" to Jesus is actually giving our whole selves to Him and it's actually easier because then he can direct us. I know it sounds weird and crazy but this book was talking about the difference about being a slave to Jesus and a servant. A servant just puts in his or her time for a wage and then gets the heck out of there. A slave is indebted to his/her Master and committed to them fully.

I mean if Brit can be a Slave 4 U....

I was going to put a pic of Britney's "Im a Slave 4 U" video or VMA performance here, but I thought a pic of her baring mid-drift amid this Jesus talk would be a stretch...ah, Britney.

...can't we be indebted to Jesus? I mean, we are kinda already there.

Anyways, I know this concept sounds weird and dated- it jarred me at first too. But I do think my perception of freedom can bring me down sometimes. Sometimes I just wish God gave us instructions! Though, I know that's not how free will works.

Freedom/Independence, of course, also brings me much life. I was thinking about this as I was on retreat with the senior students this past week. If I weren't single, I don't think some of the students would connect with me as they do. They think 30 is old, but when you are married with kids it kind of seals the nail in the coffin (no offense to my married, mommy friends! You know how kids' minds work ;) I think they see me as in the same boat as them to some extent and I think this helps my street cred.

Now as beautiful a gift as this is, I'm fully prepared for when God is ready to start taking away some of these single freedoms :) Well, maybe not fully prepared. I'm getting there.

Ah, freedom. Such a beautiful, but dangerous gift. This is why surrendering to Jesus makes everything easier. Imma work on that this week.

Until next time!

Peace,

Julia

Taking Up the Cross...here we go! Week 1

Lent is off to a good start!

I know it's only been like 3 days, so I shouldn't count chickens or ducks or whatever, but I've actually been really surprised at how I've caught myself a couple of times (Okay, MORE than a couple... ) wanting to speaking negatively about an individual and stopping myself.

ALSO- I found out that my new friend St. Teresa of Avila also was prone to gossip in her day...Huzzah! I mean, imgaine that! There's hope!

Really the fact that I'm able to do ANYTHING about fasting from gossip this Lent is through the help of the Holy Spirit and good friends who are holding me accountable. Truth.

I'm also really proud of my women's group. We said we were going to be better about meeting regularly, and again- it's only been a month- but we met, though just 3 of us. And we had a conversation that, for me, flowed really well from last month's get together.

We talked about Lent (naturally) and also allowed the Holy Spirit to lead us through some spiritual reading. My friend G and I were commenting on how we like the liturgical seasons of Lent and Advent because there are goals and it is for a set period of time. It is somehow more difficult to stay committed to something if the goals are not concrete or end is not in foreseeable future...go figure.

The Lord continues to show me that this direction of working on vanity and selfishness and also being more focused on others/relationships is the way to go this Lent. I felt more convicted of this as I prayed the Stations of the Cross this first Friday.

Again, I don't know why I'm ever surprised how helpful the Stations of the Cross are in leading me to deeper unity with the Lord. I mean - DUH- it's kind of hard to think of anything else when you are walking through various points of Christ carrying his cross!


When I teach sacramentals to my juniors, we mention Stations and as an activity I have them get into groups and come up with their own ways of praying each station. I assign each group a station, they write a prayer as a group, and then we pray the 14th stations as a class. It's worked really well with each class and I'm always impressed with what they come up with.

Teenagers can relate really well to the stations. That may seem weird in this age of entitlement, but I think it's true. I discovered this when I was in parish youth ministry and they always requested to pray stations on retreat, regardless of the time of the liturgical year. I mean, if you think about it, there's a lot that is parallel to their lives: The falling and having to get back up- more than once. The carrying a cross they'd rather not have. The burdens. The trying to see something outside of themselves. Meeting people on their journey like Veronica, Mary, and Simon who can help them.

I used some of the stations that my students had written to guide my own meditation this week. I was particularly struck by a line for the 9th station- when Jesus falls a 3rd time. The student who wrote the station asked the Lord to help us to get up from the fall (which is to be expected) but then he alluded to conversion- a concept I wouldn't expect from a teen. He asked that the Lord help us to CHANGE and to not make the same mistake again.

I don't know if the student grasped the theological truth behind this. Perhaps...he is a smart kid. But it IS true that when we fall, to get up, we need to have a conversion. There needs to be a change to get up and want to keep going.


So this Lent I am working on and hoping for a change. And I agree with my friend G that the finite time limit to focus on this helps.


G and I are also doing a St Joseph's novena. St Joseph really came through for her last year along with Our Lady. I'm hoping the dynamic duo can pull through for me as I journey through Lent with them as my companions.

The sun is starting to peek out from behind those winter clouds...here's to changes during this Lenten journey.

(Also, need I remind you that at the end of this journey, I will be dying to my 20's as the Lord "sends up His Spirit". There will most definitely be spirits involved on my end as well. Just another thing for me to reflect on as I contemplate conversion...I see what you did there, Jesus).


Cheers for change! ;)
Peace,
Julia

Hippies, Hipsters, and Fasting from Myself

So, this weekend I kind of hosted my own, personal 'Bed-In for Peace' John and Yoko style...

It seemed many of my friends were busying DOING stuff this weekend. And that's fine, because this week I WAS BUSY DOING STUFF TOO. Humph. I am very important.

I actually kind of burned the candle at both ends Wednesday night so much so that I overslept Thursday morning (eep! Made it to school jussstt in time!) I went to an awesome show with my awesome friends- E and Nicole- and we went to see these guys:

(band= Middle Brother. Made up of members of equally awesome bands- Deer Tick and Dawes who also played).

Funny that I saw a band named 'Middle Brother' because I am teaching about Noah and his sons to my freshmen and inevitably the kids ask, "What about Japheth?" (the middle son). Shem- the practically only oldest son in the Bible who doesn't get screwed out of his inheritance- and Ham of the "Tower of Babel" fame are mentioned at length, leaving the kids (who I can only imagine are middle children themselves) protesting in true "middle child syndrome" fashion.

(ps- 'Middle Child Syndrome' is an actual thing. I'm not making it up.)

Actually, since I was left to my own personal bed-in this weekend due to circumstances beyond my control, I started developing a little bit of middle child syndrome myself. Looking at Facebook can also do this to you. (also not making this up).

We start to wonder- as we look at everybody's pictures of BABIES or WEDDINGS or find that people have crazy, exciting lives with jobs that travel or give them fame- what about us?!

Well, hello there, Middle Brother!? What about us indeed?

Which brings me back to my sit-in.

I have always felt the need, for some reason, to be out and about because sitting home is for "LOSERS" (or so I think in my head). Now, often times I choose to stay in because I've been out the night before (again, I am very important) or am just tired of dealing with papers/teenagers/etc. and need to curl up with a glass of wine and breathe for a second lest I curl up in the fetal position.

But when the sit-in is not self-imposed, I start to wonder- what's wrong? Why is everybody else out having a good time without me? (Also, see this fabulous flowchart- ha!)

This is the work of the devil, friends! This weekend's bed-in forced me to not give into temptation, but to exercise PEACE. John and Yoko knew what was up.

Or did they? Was their intention to draw attention to a cause? Or was it a little self indulgent?

These are the thoughts I'm left reflecting on before Lent.

As I mentioned last week, Lent is fast (heh- no pun intended) upon us. This Wednesday! I mentioned some of the resolutions I was tossing around in my head, but I think I've nailed some things down. I mention them to you so you can hold me accountable and maybe we can do some of these in solidarity with one another:

TO DO:

- gonna get back on the Daily Mass train

-stations of the Cross on Fridays (either in private or in community)

- journeying with Teresa of Avila and also the Blessed Mother by praying rosary and doing more spiritual readings/check-ins with these ladies...

GIVING UP:

- GOSSIP.

Yeah, I shamefully admit that this is the sin that does me in. I share this with you very vulnerably, but please DO hold me accountable to it.

I think the Daily Mass thing and journeying with the Blessed Mother will surely help me in fasting from the gossip. I also am going to try, in substituting the gossip, with reaching out to people more. Fasting from myself, really.

The past couple years I've been trying to build myself up from a life change. I finally got the job I wanted, but now I've been wrapped up in it and perhaps focusing too much time on my work and studies. These things have to happen, but my little sit-in made me realize there's a time for self, and a time for others. A time for studies, and a time for parties :) A time for...

wow...it's gone back to 60s love-ins, hasn't it?

Happy Lent, everyone! I take solace in the fact that we are all in this together ;)

Peace,

Julia