Okay, so I really shouldn't be surprised. I should've seen this comin'. Jesus has pretty much been all but screaming this at me this past year. Plus, he just gave me that John 6 passage I just blogged about, so I should've known he was sneakin' up on me...
Today is the Feast of the Transfiguration. But of course, as usual, I read the readings for the Thursday of the 18th Week instead. So there was the first surprise when I got to Mass today! Oops!
But I was glad I read the readings I did because they really spoke to me- Moses and Aaron in Numbers having to deal with the people rebelling after being led into the desert ( I can relate- that whole desert thing's not fun!), and Peter's Confession of Christ ('Who do you say that I am?' quickly followed by, 'get behind me Satan'! Really, Jesus? And I thought I was temperamental ;)
I wanted to go back and read the latter, but I couldn't remember which Gospel the reading was taken from. Sigh. I am so human and allover the place- it's a wonder God gets through to me at all!
But I remembered that it is definitely in Luke, around, oh, Chap 8 or so...(its actually Luke 9:20, but I was close) so I just read that account.
Then suddenly....surprise!
I notice the reading directly before this account of Peter's Confession is the SAME story directly before the walking on water in John!
Alright, Jesus you've got my attention! I'm picking up what You are putting down. I think....
It's the Feeding of the 5,000. I also recently just bought Cardinal Van Thaun's book by the title: "Five Loaves and Two Fish". I should not be surprised at all by any of this whatsoever. I love when Jesus has to beat me over the head with things, which is usually ALL THE TIME.
So why this passage? Oh, maybe because I am supposed to TRUST that God can feed 5,000 with my current state of which I think is practically nothing.....RIGHT.
But here's the thing I immediately tell Jesus, 'but what if I want MORE than what I currently have?? I simply DON'T think that what I have right now is ENOUGH! I need MORE than 5 loaves and two fish Jesus! I need MORE than this job, this state in life...right? Can't you see? There's a CROWD out there! They (and I) clearly need more than what I've currently got. So if you could make that happen, that'd be great.'
And he does multiply what the apostles have....but with their trust and faith, and in His power and doing. Sigh. Alright, alright...I GET IT.
So while I'm grateful that Jesus seems to be speaking to me again, I'm still not sure it's what I want to hear. Typical :)
I'm going to continue to meditate on this passage that He clearly wants me to reflect on and let you know how it goes. In the meantime, pray that I am open to whatever He has to say, even if I'm a little resistant. 'Let all who have ears to hear- HEAR!'
Peace,
Julia
1 comment:
Julie, it's encouraging to hear how God is speaking to you. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this! We should talk more often - I could use some sharpening :)
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