Ready for Lent. No, seriously.

I know. Who says that, right? Who anticipates and counts down the days until Lent?

This girl. Namely 'cause I don't want to get in trouble with my spiritual director ( like when I showed up a couple times for Advent unprepared...) and I also was a girl scout. I like to BE PREPARED. That's just the kinda girl I am ;)

I overpack (because you never know what fashion mood you'll be in or what shoes you'll need!) and I make lists and color-coded piles of folders for work, school, etc. (In a COMPLETELY NON- OCD WAY, mind you). It's just what I do.

But winter makes me LAZY. And so I am anticipating the discipline of Lent. 'Cause I need it!

I've already started to think of some possibilities for my Lenten observance/sacrifice (over-achiever. I KNOW). I definitely need to get back into my routine of Daily Mass. That's just a must. I also haven't done a food fast in a while and I've been meaning to do one....

I also thought of kind of a cool idea- if I do say so myself and I do- of picking a saint to make this journey of Lent with.

It's amazing how much spiritual reading HELPS me in my spiritual life. I can be totally off track and then I read something from Therese of Lisieux or The Sanctifier and I want to run to confession and spend an hour in prayer.

So I think I might pick a saint to talk to/read about throughout Lent. Possibly the Blessed Mother or one of the Teresas I am reading about now.

While I am pretty disciplined and kind of crave it in my life right now, while I was praying this morning and reflecting on a passage Father had spoken about on retreat- John 21 where Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him 3 x- this verse struck me:

"Jesus said to them, "Come, have breakfast." (John 21:12)

RANDOM. I know, right? I'm not even kidding. And it wasn't 'cause I was hungry (though I did immediately go to Trader Joe's afterwards 'cause I had a hankering for the Three Layer Hummus which I am convinced has some kind of nicotine or crack in it because it is SO ADDICTIVE, but that is neither here nor there....) but because my translation said:

"Come, break your fast".

That's not very Lenten, is it? Now, the Bible I was reading was obviously not the New American Bible translation...but I don't think the translation I was reading was way off. We know Jesus often encouraged his disciples to break or examine the rules as they knew them. Not for lack of discipline, but to challenge them and have them examine why they really were doing things.

And so while I wait for the discipline of Lent- as always- I will try to balance with the attitude of the resurrected Jesus. 'Cause we can forget that we are supposed to be a people of rejoicing and feasts!

Feast days are something the Church used to do so well (and still does in certain parts of the world). Let's balance the discipline and desert of Lent with the feast of all the good things we have in our lives and days to come.

Is that okay that I'm entering into Lent already eyeing the Resurrection that comes after it? Meh...doesn't matter what.

So for all you under-achievers...LENT IS COMING! Get on it ;)

Peace,
Julia

Motivated By Love

The theme of love continues! My women's prayer group met last night for the first time in a lonnnngggg time. It was way overdue! My friend G led the evening for us and brought us this book (pictured above) to reflect with/on.

I haven't read the book yet- but I intend to! It takes the lives of four famous Catholic Teresas: St. Teresa of Avila, St Therese of Lisieux (I can never spell that right), St. Teresa Benedicta (Edith Stein), and Mother Teresa.

I also haven't done any spiritual reading for myself in a lonnnnngggg time (shhh! don't tell my spiritual director! ;) He had been wanting me to read stuff from Teresa of Avila ('cause she is a sassy sister and we have a lot in common! ;) and then this literally fell into my lap!

G had each of us (there were four of us besides her gathered) read about one of the Teresas. Wouldn't you know I got my girl Teresa of Avila.

I was struck by her persistence and commitment to battling her vanity and selfishness. Like I said, she was a strong, sassy woman- lots of pride! But she practiced humility in a realistic way. She was aware of her faults, but did not beat herself up about them. She- and all the Teresas- balanced humility and confidence in God well. I have had to learn this practice in humility too! And keep learning it!

The reading on Teresa of Avila also reminded me of something so simple- all of our actions should be motivated by love. For as practical and down to earth as she was, she also had a great, deep love for Jesus. And she let that be the motivating factor in all her actions.

I have learned to surrender things and to do things for Jesus, but even those things can be done out of a different place sometime- out of knowledge or practicality- not always of a conscientious love.

I did do some spiritual reading earlier this week- but it was for my grad class. We read "Disciples of the Lord: Sharing the Vision" which Archbishop Wuerl of DC came up with (I believe) last summer. It is a good read- inspiring and practical. It encourages us practicing Catholics to reach out to those non-practicing or fallen away in a non-confrontational way.

This concept of "re-evangelizing" those who have already heard the Good News of Scripture and the Church is what JP2 called the "New Evangelization". So, reaching out to people who have been catechized but no longer practice or aka- a large percentage of Catholics, unfortuantely.

To do this, we have to come out of a place of love. It can't be motivated by pride or just merely knowledge. It has to be motivated by love, which goes back to my Teresa of Avila reminder. I DO feel called to New Evangelization, in whatever state in life I might be called to. I have been priveleged to work with teens in a very strong Catholic diocese. They know their faith. The challenge is making it meaningful for them. This where I believe the New Evangelization comes in.

So this week has put me back on a path of digging into spiritual reading for myself so that I might live this call I feel to New Evangelization. And above all, the call to do all things with love.

So far, this year has had lots of themes of Love! Bring it!

Hope you all are well!

Peace,

Julia

The Mystery of Love

I can't believe it's been two weeks since retreat! Which means a.) I've been BUSY. b.) I haven't even really begun to unpack all that was retreat. Yikes!

Enter Valentine's Day :) The day we naturally turn our minds towards love.

This is NOT going to be lonely hearts post 'cause I've DONE THAT.

I'm in a different place this year. God has been very faithful.

I'm still "living the mystery" (which I also just realized I wrote in the month of February last year. Something to be said for those seasonal cycles!) but I think I'm content with it, for the most part.

Also, the readings for this Sunday are very different than the twisted, cycnical ones I rejoiced in last year. They are mysterious...and also kind of hopeful. Yeah! :)

The first reading is from Sirach (note: I just taught about deuterocanonical books so Sirach is fresh in my mind. Win!):

If you choose you can keep the commandments, they will save you;

if you trust in God, you too shall live;he has set before you fire and water

to whichever you choose, stretch forth your hand.

Before man are life and death, good and evil, whichever he chooses shall be given him.

Immense is the wisdom of the Lord;he is mighty in power, and all-seeing.

The eyes of God are on those who fear him;he understands man’s every deed.

No one does he command to act unjustly,to none does he give license to sin.

Okay, so maybe this isn't uber mysterious, but there is a mystery to choice and free will. My students often ask, why did God give us free will if He knows we are going to mess up? I always answer them with, "well how many of you like to be forced to do something? Didn't think so. Aren't things much more special when you choose?" Answer: yes.

God gives us free will out of his immense love for us. Score 1 point for the goodness of retreat!

Okay, next up- my man, St. Paul (henceforth, MMSP):

Brothers and sisters: We speak a wisdom to those who are mature,not a wisdom of this age,

nor of the rulers of this age who are passing away.

Rather, we speak God’s wisdom, mysterious, hidden,

which God predetermined before the ages for our glory,

and which none of the rulers of this age knew;

or, if they had known it,they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.

But as it is written:What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard,

and what has not entered the human heart,

what God has prepared for those who love him,

this God has revealed to us through the Spirit.
For the Spirit scrutinizes everything, even the depths of God

Um, what was that St. Paul? I don't quite follow you. We speak a wisdom but not one of this age? Nor of dead guys? Then of who?! Oh, right, Jesus.

But this kind of goes with the question my students ask: "if God knew from before time He would have to save us, then why didn't he....(insert this, that or the other here)"

Again, the answer: Love. (And the light of the Holy Spirit! The Sanctifier #FTW. Remember when I was obsessed with that book? I think I need it in my life again...)

Love cannot be forced. And love is a mystery. MMSP says: "what eye has not seen and ear has not heard...God has prepared for those who love him"

We can't even imagine what awaits us if we keep the faith.

And God even gives us little consolations to keep us going while we are here on earth. I've been reminded of that of late.

Yesterday was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes. I wrote about how during Advent I committed to pray a rosary in the car on the way to work each morning. That is a practice I have (somewhat) continued, but had failed at lately. I felt the urge to pray one yesterday, but I am too stupid in the morning (see exhibit A: this is something I have long said about coffee makers):

to realize what day it is, let alone an important feast day. (I need coffee before I can do anything. I swear decisions are not my own otherwise).

Anyways, so I decided to pray a rosary and to give things up to the Blessed Mother as I had once done much more intentionally.

Come to find once I showed up at Mass that it was Feb. 11- the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes!

Our Lady of Lourdes was/is very special to my friend in my women's group and she actually made a pilgrimmage there last year. I'm sure I've referenced it in this blog before too. Her experience (and answered prayers!!) inspired me and I entrusted a thing or two to our Lady a while back because of the HOPE brought about by that devotion.

I am inspired to once again entrust things to Jesus through Mary this Valentine's/Lourdes/Lovefest this weekend :)

I also had time to make a holy hour yesterday for the first time in a longgggg time. Not only was the time with Jesus very fruitful, but I ran into a couple people I knew and wasn't expecting to see! It was a good reminder that Jesus has placed the right people in my life at the right time throughout my personal journey with Him. (There is hope :)

Oh, and the Gospel this week? Maybe a little cynical/ironic for Valentines just because God has a sense of humor (and Jesus was single, am I right? :):

You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Keep it clean this weekend, kids ;) Lest this happen....

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your membersthan to have your whole body go into Gehenna."

Indeed. Happy Valentine's Day! ;)

Peace,

Julia

Retreat- "Intense Love"

We kind of look like the poster children for retreats, don't we? :)


What a week!!



I finished my first semester as a teacher, had to go without heat or power in my house for the 2nd time in like 2 weeks (3rd time in a year), AND had an awesome retreat with some amazing people.



My head is going to kind of explode with all the awesomeness/tiredness that is my life right now, but I just wanted to highlight the retreat 'cause I know alot of you were praying for us (thanks! ;).



My spiritual director led 13 friends and I on a retreat in Middleburg, VA this past weekend. Father picked the theme centered around "Intense Love" and gave 5 talks about 5 "amorous mysteries": 1 John 4 (God is Love), John 3:16-17 (For God so Loved the World), Matt 22: 37-39 (Love of God and Love of Neighbor), John 15:13 (No Greater Love ), and 1 John 4:16-19 (We Love Because He First Loved Us)



Some points that really hit home for me were some of Father's starting points:



- Love is based in trust and faith. If we don't have faith/belief and then do not trust in that faith/belief- we cannot love.



- We have to be open and accept love.



- God is the source of all love.



Father also talked about the love languages, four loves, and how God fits into and expresses all these types of love. I was particularly struck by the romantic love of God.



I still have to reflect on all that God is doing and has done in the past year since last retreat, but God has certainly proven His Love for me and I feel Him asking me to be open as I was when I was discerning the convent. The discernment process before I entered required this trust, faith, and acceptance of God's love- also, I had to examine the romantic love of God since He was going to be the main Man in my life!



It was really cool to see that from all different vocations- there were 3 couples on retreat, some singles, a married mom, and 2 engaged folks-we all connected to this theme of the "Intense Love of God" in different ways.



There were 14 of us- the same number of retreatants we had last year ;) Some of the folks were the same, some new. The snow and power outages put some kinks in our plans last minute, but the snow ended up adding a peaceful stillness for me in the end. As someone who has been vocal about how much I dislike snow and winter, I found myself enjoying the snow covered, quiet scenery on retreat.



I also find it interesting that we've had 14 people on retreat both years. Teaching Old Testament, I teach my students how the Gospel writer Matthew used the number 14 in his genealogy to bring the point home that Jesus was from David and therefore the Messiah. 7 is a symbol of a sacred oath or covenant in Hebrew culture and so the number 14 was doubly perfect! I like to think the same of our group: doubly perfect! :)

The retreat was definitely a great way to start 2011 and to end my first semester. I'm so blessed to have such great friends and spiritual director!

Here's to "intense love" in 2011 ;) Thanks again for your prayers!

Peace,

Julia

Wintry Mix

So, I kind of have the 'winter blues'. It's been uber cold this winter so far, but thankfully not TOO much snow (like Christmas '09 and early '10). But I just don't do well with cold. Especially when it is kind of overcast which has been the case pretty much the whole month of Jan.

My moods very much go with the seasons. In Spring, I always seem to have the hope that seeds planted will grow. In the summer, I bask in the warmth of the sun and enjoy the process that is faith. In fall, I reap the harvest of the seeds and fruits that were planted and grown through spring and summer. But winter....after we put away the lights from Christmas....always feels kind of dead.

Even with the hope of the new year, the lifelessness that surrounds me in nature kind of brings me down. Plus, we retreat into our homes since it's so freaking cold outside (and actually, this year, we were cold INSIDE. Our heat broke down SEVERAL TIMES).

The first night without heat was perhaps okay. It was kind of exciting frontiering the whole thing. My roommates and I were building a fire, gathering all the space heaters and blankets we could find, and made it a community event. But as it continued throughout the week, we started to disperse. We would go to respective friends' houses or take turns being the one to stay home alone waiting for the heating guy to come and would gather all the space heaters around our cold, lonesome selves.

Kind of depressing.

Well, THE HEAT IS ON again (I hope this doesn't jinx us, but I continually played this Glenn Frey song throughout the week. YOU ARE WELCOME for this 80s reminder! :) but I'm struggling to get out of the wintry mix that's still kind of lingering inside.

At the beginning of this month, I was still into the liturgical feast-ing going on. I kind of love the feast of the Baptism of Our Lord. All the imagery of new life through water that Christ has given us by his birth and death. I have been subbing for a friend of mine's parish- playing piano all month for Mass. The liturgy was really well done on the feast of the Baptism. We all received holy water and renewed our baptismal vows.

Having taught Baptism in my Sacraments course this past semester (WHICH IS NOW OVER! HUZZAH! I'm kind of 'second year' teacher in a way now 'cause I get to reuse my lesson plans!!! phew!) and taking grad school classes on liturgical catechesis and formation-I appreciate all the more now the gifts of our baptism and its effects on us.

But now we are in Ordinary Time. And not to knock it, but after all this feasting...where did the party go, Church???

This weekend marks the anniversary of the decision of Roe v Wade and while you know me- I'm not going to go into the politics of it (like a true moderate ;) - I am always blown away by the amount of prayer that goes on at all these events the weekend before the March for Life. Our Church community really rises up and comes together in PRAYER and that is something I think anyone would say is the real importance of this time.

While abortion is a dark issue and winter a dark time, we manage to make the most of it and focus on the need for prayer in our world. Last night I participated in a holy hour that a Catholic musician friend of mine was playing at. I met him through our Arlington Diocesan Workcamps, but hadn't seen him in a while. When he started playing, the good times and fruits that I usually associate with my summer Workcamp experience became present. And Jesus of course was also very present :)

While speaking about the pro-life movement, my friend read Romans 5:3-5:

"but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,
and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,
and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us."

I know I've written about hope time and time again and probaby used this verse. But we can never hear about HOPE too much. This time, the "boasting in afflictions" and "proven character" really struck me. It's hard to make ourselves vulnerable and boast in our afflictions in a way that isn't self pity, but really shows the good work Christ has done in us. And making ourselves vulnerable and focusing on Christ gives us character. Every challenge that comes our way produces character- PROVEN character. And then HOPE. Which our world so desperately needs. We ALL need and want hope.

He also sang a few songs that meant a lot to me, but then sang "Here I Am Lord" which- as a music minister- I've come to roll my eyes at and almost distain (no offense, Dan Schutte :) just because it is SO overused it has become trite to me. But the way my friend sang it yesterday...he told us to really focus on the words. I was sitting there going, "yeah, yeah- Here I am Lord. I get it. Use me for your mission. Send me....I've said this all before. I'm always GOING. I'm always BEING SENT. Whatever."

But for some reason the "If You lead me" line stuck out to me this time. He will not send us out alone and we cannot do anything on our own. We can only do what He leads us to do and He will lead us if it is His Will. So we need not worry about persevering alone, which is perhaps what the winter blues sometimes make us feel- that we are in this cold world alone.

So while there is darkness and overcast and cold- there is hope.

I'm soooooooooooo looking forward to RETREAT NEXT WEEKEND. You cannot even believe!! This current pro-life weekend is certainly going to be very prayerful and produce much fruit. But I hope it's only a prequel to next weekend :)

We are united in prayer, folks! This season and this weekend in particular.

OH! And Here are some high (and low lights ;) of this month:

Celebrating my college friend (whose parish I've currently been playing for) as he is honored for his past 7 years in ministry there.

Me in my hoodie scarf and snuggie, braving the cold that was OUR HOUSE ;(

Until next time-
Peace,
Julia

Christmas, New Years, Epiphany: Man, I Love a Party!

In some ways, the Christmas season isn't as exciting as when we were children. Some elements of magic and mystery are certainly gone. But in other ways, the knowledge that comes with the wisdom of being older brings an added beauty to the season (And 2011 will bring about my 30th birthday, speaking of getting older. Yipes! You know there will be blogs. It's also on GOOD FRIDAY...you know there will be themes ;)

And let's not also forget that Christmas still means there's a good reason to party ;)

Though the event of Christmas may not be as magical as when we were children, we know that Christmas isn't about magic. It's about a Gift. And that Gift can sometimes be uncomfortable (like when you get socks or an awful jumpsuit or something, but not this year- I got GIFT CARDS 'cause my family is AWESOME! ;) it is ultimately a reason to give thanks and celebrate. The Gift of Life, Love, (er, Liberty? but of course! Jesus= Freedom:)

Christmas gives us a time to celebrate as does the promise of the New Year. I heard a sermon on my way to Mass this morning (that's right- I pregame sermons WITH sermons! I'm an overachiever) on (surprisingly) a secular station that was talking about how at New Years we celebrate because we have new expectations. And we delight in- almost as we did as children at Christmas- at the "magic" of what God could possibly do for us this year.

But we all KNOW that God doesn't give us everything we expect/ask. He often throws curve balls and that can make us uncomfortable. But He always gives us what we need at the time.

Really, the only thing we can expect is to become uncomfortable at some point in our year. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but because of our Original Sin, it just happens. And it's not necessarily something super sad or sick or suffering (though those things might happen) but we can expect to be taken out of our comfort zones at some point this year, whether it be a conversation with someone or something more dramatic like a change at work or relationships. The only promise we can really expect God to keep is that He will help to make us the best woman or man we can be. And sometimes that hurts.

But this post is about parties!! Today is the feast of the Epiphany. We remember the three wise men arriving to worship the baby they studied and heard about. Theirs was probably not always a comfortable situation. It was a long trip, they were traveling in community (can you imagine how many "are we there yets?" Ugh. I can't.), were probably wondering if there really was anything under that star anyway, and how would the news of what they found change them.

Plus, they were men of wealth and power. They didn't go to babies, they made babies come to THEM? Right?! Yet they humbled themselves and made the long trek on their own. And when they got there, they rejoiced and worshiped a baby who had not yet proven to be as great or as powerful as they. But they went on faith. They made the most out of the situation, out of the journey- and they were pleased with what they found- even if it wasn't what they had expected.

The priest at Mass this morning spoke of Archbishop Fulton Sheen's theory that people are sometimes frightened to go to the manger. We occupy ourselves with so much at Christmas- but do we really approach the manger like the wise men do? With wonder and awe, humility, curiosity? Or do we go with our expectations? Or do we not go at all because we are afraid of what the journey might bring? That the journey is too great or too hard?

That journey to the manger theory, as well as the sermon on expectations and comfort this morning, were good challenges for me in this new year. I really don't have any expectations for 2011. I have some hopes, but I don't know what I'm expecting. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. Maybe I can try to be like the wise men and study, hope, and journey- even without expectation- and just rejoice. Though it is good to expect something from God. I do know I look forward to the end of this month when my spiritual director will lead a retreat for some friends and myself. I expect to be brought out of my comfort zone and challenged that weekend. I also expect to have a little fun :)

What are your reflections on Epiphany? There are so many elements of this feast to think about. It's a shame that often the part of the wise man in the school nativity play gets second fiddle :) I think one year we cut out the shepherds and wise men altogether but somehow had an angel and a donkey...hmm...

Regardless, Epiphany's pretty important. The Christmas season is drawing to a close, but I'm holding on until the Feast of the Baptism of our Lord for one last good week of Christmas celebrating!

Speaking of celebrating, above are some highlights from my Christmas season so far! (You will note in particular my...er, well, highlights... as well as new bangs which are recent features ;)

Above pics: Roommates and I at our annual Christmas Open House, a friend and I out for New Year's Eve, and my new nephew and I on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Peace,

Julia